What I Learned from Kevin Griffin

What a great post Kevin!

I never really related "keep coming back" to so many other areas in my life but it really does apply. When I was attending a Christian meditation group we kept coming back to our word, our mantra. Like Kevin said the mind does wander and then I come back to my mantra.

One of the things I am working on is trying to keep a positive attitude when I go to work. When you are around others who may focus on the negative regularly out loud it is a constant battle to stay in a positive frame of mind.

What I learned from Kevin is I can "keep coming back" all day long in all my struggles. I can start again, forgiving myself for getting off the beam and commit again to being mindful of my intentions.

How I can make use of Kevin's post ~ use the mantra "keep coming back" throughout my day knowing this applies to all areas of my life.

Thank you Kevin!

Keep Coming Back

By Kevin Griffin
www.kevingriffin.net

Renewal is built right into 12 Step programs, and it’s a foundational aspect of meditation. Every meeting ends with the admonition, “Keep coming back,” a reminder that the process of recovery isn’t about passing the finish line, but about living life “one day at a time.” Recovery isn’t about attaining some state of pure spiritual bliss, but of learning to face life’s challenges without running to a bottle, a drug, to food or sex or gambling.

Of course, the initial step of getting sober or abstinent is difficult. At that point, “keep coming back” might be all we have to hang on to. Maybe we’re nuts and it feels like we can’t handle it, but those simple words tell us that it’s going to get better. And it does. Our addiction is healed. When that happens, a lot of other great things will often follow: our relationships get better, our work life improves, our emotional state brightens. It all takes work of course, and often years of showing up, but once we’re clean and sober, we start seeing the improvement and that inspires us to keep going.

But life doesn’t stop. The First Noble Truth in Buddhism, the Truth of Suffering, says that life is difficult, that there are ongoing inner and outer struggles. A new year is often a time to confront some of these struggles. The holidays are often stressful and may trigger underlying addictions, so that when January 1st comes, we’re ready to renew our inner and outer spiritual work.

This is, of course, a cliché, the new diet or exercise regime, the New Year’s Resolution; and the rest of the cliché is that the resolution doesn’t last long. But if we are committed to a spiritual path, resolution and renewal of commitment is something that happens year round. And it’s not that we’ve “failed” when we have to renew our commitment, simply that the Truth of Suffering, which says that everything is impermanent and ultimately unsatisfactory, is operating.

The first step in renewal is honesty: I’m backsliding and I need to get it together. The second step is forgiveness: it’s natural that I backslide, so I don’t have to beat myself up, just get on with my renewal.

This past year I lost 17 pounds through a program of mindful eating. This morning I found that I’d gained 3 pounds over the holidays. Time for renewal. Before I lost the weight I rarely weighed myself, not wanting to get the bad news. But one of the things I learned in mindful eating is that I have to stay current with my weight or it slips away. I didn’t want to weigh myself today; I thought, “I’ll just wait till after the weekend when I can get my eating straightened out again.” But I did it anyway. Then I thought, “It’s natural that I gained weight over the holidays, and I know how to lose it, so I don’t have to worry or beat myself up.” At the same time, at the corners of my mind were the whispers, “You’re piling it on; you’ll never be able to lose that weight.” But I knew that voice, the voice of failure and self-hatred, and I put it aside.

After forgiveness comes the commitment: I’m going to renew my mindful eating program. So I reviewed in my mind some of the basics that I’ve used to limit my calorie intake without creating a binge/purge cycle.

Keep coming back doesn’t just work for addiction. It works for meditation, too. One of the most basic meditation instructions is “keep coming back to the breath.” On the moment-to-moment level, keep coming back is how you meditate: first with mindful honesty that the mind has wandered; then with forgiveness, because, after all, that’s just what my mind does; then, renewal, bringing my attention back to the sensations of breath again.

Keep coming back applies to my daily practice as well: I keep showing up on my meditation cushion each day, whether I feel like it or not, and whether it seems like it’s working or not.

Both meditation and recovery take longer than we want them to. Especially for an addict who wants instant gratification, the slow process of healing our lives and the gradual process of deepening our meditation practice just don’t seem to work. We can’t see the results quickly enough, so we don’t think anything is happening. But real change takes time. This is one of the reasons we keep track of how long we’ve been sober. We gain perspective over the years, both by watching our own progress, and especially by watching that of others in the program. They might not notice the incremental changes in themselves, but we do.

As I meditated this morning for the last time in 2009, I felt anxious and started worrying about the future. I have a new book coming out and lots of teaching planned, and I started obsessing about it all. Then I caught myself and thought, “What other perspective can I bring to this?” and I swung to an absolute, “It’s all empty, nothing really matters” view. That brought a feeling of sadness and negativity. I caught that and realized how unhelpful that was. So I asked myself, “What would be a Middle Way,” and I thought of appreciation. My life is wonderful. I have had incredible opportunities and success in my life; I have a wonderful family and home; my work life is very satisfying. Ahh. . . The renewal of sanity.

This is the most important ongoing process of renewal that I do, trying to keep myself from falling into negative mental and emotional states. All my other work, my program, my spiritual practice, mindful eating, my relationships, exercise, making music, and the rest, is really about maintaining emotional balance. Ultimately, if I’m not happy, what’s the point of any of it? When I feel myself going in a painful direction, usually anxiety or depression, I remind myself to “keep coming back,” first to the most basic thing: mindfulness of my present-moment emotional experience. This doesn’t mean trying to fix anything or do anything about it, just be present with it, trusting that mindfulness itself will begin the healing process. Once I’ve grounded myself in the present moment experience, I can begin to address the causes and conditions behind the current state. Is there something I’m doing or not doing that’s creating this negative state? Is there some skillful response I can bring, or do I just need to “rest in awareness” of the mood?

Staying in the present moment with all my experience is the most fundamental “coming back” that I can do. Life happens here and now. Ultimately my addiction was an attempt to run away from reality. So, my recovery means not just coming back to meetings, but coming back to life.

What I Learned from John R.

Read John R.'s posts.

One of the things I like about John's post is the way he describes how he meditates. It is great sometimes to hear how other people do it.

The other part of John's post I really like is when he talks about how prayers pop up all around him "It's amazing if I am conscious of my surroundings how many prayers there are out there." I keyed in on "if I am conscious." First there is the level of consciousness sobriety brings. That is amazing! It is like the blinders have come off. Every thing seems brighter and clearer. Then there comes a deeper level of consciousness. This is what I am working on. To really be present in the moment as much as possible. It seems easy to be aware of my surroundings when I am taking a walk in a park, especially on a beautiful day. But when I am at work, in the store, at my sons school, in the post office, doing those day to day tasks that take up much of my time I have to ask... am I conscious of my surroundings? Not most of the time. I am in the doing mode. As John stated "practice, practice, practice."

I can make use of what John is offering by remembering to "practice, practice, practice" being conscious of my surroundings. I like that he lights a candle and sits quietly in the morning too, this is something else I can make use of.

Thank you John R.!

What I Learned from Rabbi Yisrael Pinson

Read The Joy of Praying by Rabbi Pinson.

Joy is not usually the first thing that comes to mind when I think of prayer. This is why I love reading when Rabbi Pinson writes. What a wonderful way to look at prayer. For some reason when I think of prayer I think about the work of it and the seriousness of what I am praying about. I rarely put the connection together with the positive results of prayer. In reading this post I am once again reminded of the daily "leg work that creates such joy."

I learned from Rabbi Pinson that to get that inner joy it takes commitment and self improvement. It takes work but when done right that work will produce inner joy. I am ready to do the work!

Thank you Rabbi Yisrael Pinson for your insight on inner joy.

What I Learned from Wolf

Read Wolf's post.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading Wolf's post. My favorite line "The way that is best for them." This is Wolf's respond to the questions "How must one pray?" and "How must on meditate?" Although I love much of the formality religions bring to prayer and meditation, making the connection with the God of our understanding is what is truly important.

Things I was reminded of in this post...
1. "the more frequently I pray for guidance and to express gratitude, the more residual and steadfast the serenity. The more regularly I meditate, the deeper the serenity."

2. "Ideally, we should be praying frequently throughout our day and meditation 2-3 times a day."

3. "The rewards also include a wonderful transformation of our attitudes towards life and all things. In time there are less "problems" and more serenity."


Now that I have shared with you what I have learned/relearned let's talk about how I can make use of this in my life. One of my goals for 2010 is to judge myself less. When I read things that say "The way that is best for them" it alows me to let go of those preconcieved ideas of how things should look. I can use that statement as a daily affirmation to help me judge my prayer and meditation habits without judgement. My three reminders are just that. Reaffirmations of what I should be doing and why. The rewards are amazing yet I need constant reminders to push my prayer and meditation practices to deeper levels.

Thank you Wolf for the teaching us all the Rewards and Gifts of Prayer and Meditation!

What I Learned From David Lee Byrd

Read David's post.

In David's post I was drawn to his sections on love and nowness. One of my favorite lines in this post is "The surest way to enjoy the fruit of love is in the giving of it." This is a beautiful statement and I have certainly found it to be true in my own life.

Next I circled "We cannot run out of love to give." Sometimes at the end of the day I really do feel like I have nothing else to give. How quickly my heart is refueled to continue the giving. I may be riding on E at times but I never ever run out of love to give.

The hardest part in this post is "We must learn to live in forgiveness." Don't get me wrong I have grown in huge leaps and bounds in this area. It seems like the biggest things are the easiest to forgive. I can find myself challenged with the day to day small things. These really are poisonous to my soul. I reach to God to help me forgive quickly but at times still hold on for a few days or even weeks of something tiny. It may not take up all my energy because it is so small but when brought to the surface total forgive is clearly not there. Eventually my heart softens again and the entire forgiving process can take hold.

By not letting go and forgiving ourselves and others we are not in the now. In his final paragraph David sums it up perfectly "Live in the now, develop the consciousness of nowness. Let nothing deter you from this endeavor, it is the pathway to oneness with God, the world, & inner peace." Beautiful~

How do I make use of what David Lee Byrd offers? The biggest thing I can make use of in David's post is to follow the simple instructions of "The surest way to enjoy the fruit of love is in the giving of it." I can continue to be of service to others. I can also continue the process of forgiveness and developing better "nowness" skills. There is always room for improvement. David's words are one more tool in this process.

Thank you thank you David Lee Byrd!

What I Learned From Gail DeWitt

View Where Recovery and Spirituality Meet with Gail DeWitt.

I learned three main points from watching Gail's interview. Wholeness, Powerless, and Witnessing have new meanings for me.

Wholeness ~ this is being alive, awake, aware. I can remember when I had my first moment of being alive, awake and aware. It was in my first 60 days of sobriety. I was driving down the road in the summer and the sky was so blue. It was as if I had never seen the color blue before. Or never had seen the sky. I will never forget how I felt and what I thought. I kept thinking "how could I have missed this?" I was in the present moment until I started thinking!

Powerless ~ when talking about the addiction we were powerless in that state. We were powerless of our addiction when we were in it. In sobriety we are not powerless but can speak of that state of powerlessness. Having power in recovery and sharing about our powerlessness can blend and support each other.

Witnessing ~ being aware of what we are going through "without judgment."

What can I learn from Gail DeWitt? For me the biggest thing is witnessing. I would love to strive to be aware and awake without judgment. My judgments of myself are my worst enemy. This is for sure a big learning process for me.

Thanks Gail DeWitt for your spiritual wisdom!