Control Yourself

By Kevin Griffin

I’ve noticed a pattern lately to the questions I get asked about meditation. People want to know how they can avoid pain in their bodies; how they can stop their thoughts; how they can keep from falling asleep. The pattern I see in all these questions, and others, is the fundamental wish to control your experience. This is typical of addicts who used to try to control their experience with drugs and alcohol. When they come to meditation, they bring these same habits.

But that’s not what meditation is about, at least not mindfulness meditation.

Mindfulness meditation is, first of all, about seeing clearly what is happening in the present moment. When our bodies hurt, mindfulness suggests we try to bring our awareness to what that exactly feels like; when our thoughts are washing through our minds, mindfulness says, notice what thoughts you’re having and see what patterns emerge—there’s important information there; when we are falling asleep we have the opportunity to see what fatigue feels like—it’s a trigger for addiction, so it’s wise to see it clearly.

It’s natural that people want to avoid unpleasant experiences, and of course people hope to have something more than misery come out of their meditation time. Mindfulness meditation can certainly bring us to a calm and pleasurable place at times, but that’s not the core goal of mindfulness. The greater goal is the search for truth and freedom. When we set those goals up over the goal of pleasure and comfort, we are on a spiritual path.

This is what Step Three is all about.

It’s important, then, as we adopt a meditation practice in recovery that we continue to practice our program. If we apply the principles of the program to our meditation, we will show up, do our best, and turn the results over. Whatever challenges come up during our meditation, we will consider to be opportunities to learn. We will apply the tools of mindfulness, paying close attention to our experience and, especially, to our reaction to our experience. And we will accept the results.

If we trust in this process, we will find that the calm and peace, the joy we seek, will come more easily. But it doesn’t come by our forcing it or trying to control what happens.

It’s so interesting that people who work a serious program and are able to turn it over in many aspects of their lives, when they come to meditation all of a sudden want to take back control.

Doing our best and then letting go of the results is one of the biggest challenges in recovery; it’s an essential element of meditation.

http://www.kevingriffin.net
A Burning Desire
One Breath at a Time

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

“Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help.”

What comes before “then?” How can I/we accomplish this noble gesture?

In the past couple of weeks I have been in transition at work. It is amazing how “comfortable” we can get in our routines. Simply put, my job description has changed and I am no longer a “manager” and am now just a sales guy. If I look at just the facts, it really is a good situation. My boss and company have decided I was in the wrong position and allowed me to return to my “old” position with the same salary.

So, I am getting paid as if I am a manager; but do not have the headaches that go along with this job. That is a win from my chair; but… my emotions have taken me on a ride that I am much too familiar with. “What will everyone think?” “I am a failure” “John didn’t have what it took” No one but the almighty “I” generated this negative chatter.

The domino effect is one negative thought leads to another and the next thing I know is my confidence is gone; I am splashing in a swamp of self-pity, moping around like a little baby wondering why I feel like ka-ka.

Meetings, meetings, meetings. That part of my routine has not changed. I also call other folks in recovery, and they call me, just about everyday. My expectation is/was that I “should not be effected” all I need to do is “snap out of it” and stop being a “baby”. Sheesh, I am tired just writing this stuff down!

The plus side is, THIS TOO SHALL PASS, is very real. Lo and behold I kept picking up the phone and talking. I kept picking up sponsees and taking them, and myself, to meetings. I opened up the Big Book early in the AM, before jumping on the computer, before checking for text messages, first thing. Page 84 just after the Promises is one of my favorite sections of the book. It tells me “WHEN” these negative emotions crop up… not “IF”, so I guess WE all have this challenge in some way. It also mentions what our FUNCTION is… to “grow in effectiveness and understanding” man that is a tall order.

You want me to grow? Why? That sounds like work! I, ME, MYSELF the SELF-SEEKER mentioned in Step Three is the trap. I am the enemy of me… But AA and GOD have brought me to a place where I can LOVE me, and thus allow me to TURN MY THOUGHTS to others. Without help I am done. My THOUGHT LIFE can be scary, funny, stuck, blank, sputtering or even an annoying hum.

How does this relate to my prayer / meditative life? Reading Step Eleven in the Big Book is a way I meditate. Keeping my eyes and ears open when walking or driving is a way I practice meditation. Watching a sparrow flit through the air and adeptly navigate through the branches of a tree amazes me… how do they do that without crashing? They inherently KNOW what to do. To be in awe of a sunrise or sunset, to notice the bare beginnings of buds on trees, it generates an anticipation of GOD’s power that will soon be on display. To me meditation is very simple; thinking about GOD, prayer is thanking him for what I have, and for what has been removed. Just as the shoots of spring emerge from the cold dark soil, I too have and continue to emerge from the darkness of my disease and reach for the power of GOD’s love.

(To be continued)
by John R.

What I Learned from Jody K.

In Jody's post Constant Conscious Contact I felt a strong pull towards this sober woman and her ability to work the Steps in her life. Jody said "But God often does for me what I can’t do for myself, and my first impulse was to pray, which I did. God held my tongue." Here she is working Steps 3, 10 and 11. Allowing God to do for her what she could not do for herself. Restraint of tongue and pen. Praying to God for the power to be able to do this. The fact that this is her first impulse reflects the work that has been put into her sobriety. This is an example I can follow. I can use this in my family life being the youngest myself with two older brothers.

As for her post "When the Answer is One We Didn't Expect" I can only say how sorry I am for your lose. I can relate as my grandmother (more like a mother to me) died at 91 and I watched her go through all the stages of Alzheimer's. I watched, as you did, her memory go a little at a time. I watched her lose her independence and the day she no longer recognized me ripped my heart out. I spoke at her funeral and it was hard to write and speak all those feelings. Your post is touching to my heart. I suspect a tear or two may have fallen while you thought of how you could give back to your recovering readers while going through your own grief.

I cannot pinpoint in words one specific thing I have learned. All I know is you are an amazing sober woman who walks her life using the Steps as a guide. Can anyone do all you have done without a solid conscious contact?

I feel blessed to know your words. Thank you for all you have given us.