I came. I came to. I came to believe.

This pretty much sums it up for me.
by Rhonda O.

It was during my night in jail that I said my first honest prayer. I had no idea how my life had gotten in such horrible shape and I had nowhere to look but up. That was July 14, 2006. By the Grace of God I haven’t found it necessary to drink or drug since that day. I entered a 28 day treatment facility three days later and it was there that I learned about my disease and I learned of the Power of God.

On that plane ride to Florida, a man changed seats and came and set by me. His name was Henry from Alabama. Henry was a big, burly ole country guy. When he asked, “so what brings you to Florida little lady, business or pleasure”, and I responded with “drug treatment”, he nearly fell out of his seat. We talked a bit and when the drink cart neared our seats Henry asked what I would like to drink. I told him I was toying with a Jack and Diet. He said in his hearty country voice, “Not on my watch you don’t!” I’m like, “Henry, dude, I’ve known you like ten minutes!” He said he’d throw the biggest fit I’d ever seen on a plane if I ordered a drink. So when the cart got to us, I smiled and ordered a diet coke. It was at that moment that I realized God had placed Henry next to me. God doing for me what I could not do for myself.

When I completed my treatment program and was flying back home, I sat in that airport terminal knowing no one thinking ‘I could have a drink on the plane. No one would know.’ I boarded the plane and sat next to a professional looking woman. She asked, “so what brought you to Florida, business or pleasure?” I responded, “drug treatment.” She immediately took my hand and said, “I’m an inspirational speaker. Can I pray with you?” I remember this vividly. I remember me looking up and saying, “ok, ok!” God doing for me what I could not do for myself.

When I arrived home and jumped head first into AA, my eyes began to open even wider. I saw God working in other people’s lives and began to believe He would also be what saved me. It was very early in my sobriety that the obsession was removed. I know that it was not me who flipped that “off switch.”

I have worked diligently in my sobriety to improve my conscious contact. I begin each morning on my front porch in the quiet darkness with my coffee, a cigarette, and conversation with God. I thank him throughout each day for the little blessings that I’m finally able to see. I thank him again when I go to bed for another sober day and for the gifts He’s given me.

My biggest worry, as with most moms, is our 22 year old son, Anthony. He’s had his own journey with socially using and drinking. I’ve spent too many nights to count unable to sleep until I hear him pull in the driveway. A few months ago I heard a woman in a meeting saying how she no longer asks God to be with her children. Instead she thanks Him for being with them wherever they are. Thank goodness my ears were open that night.

Since that night I’ve been thanking God for riding home with Anthony in the wee hours of the morning. He’s a gamer and he and his friends play all night. This simple little change in my prayer has changed my perspective and I haven’t laid awake for about two months now. It’s amazing. This simple little suggestion has given me more peace than anything else in the program. I use this prayer of thankfulness on most every situation and day by day my fear is diminishing. I’ve never been more grateful and aware of His presence in my life.

I was taught in treatment to turn things over to God by writing them down and putting them in my God Box. Somewhere along the road to happy destiny I had this idea to create God Bags (marketed as Serenity Sacs). There’s something about writing down my worries and putting them in God’s hands that brings me peace and increases my faith. I made them for my sponsees as Christmas gifts and had no intention of selling them. Here it is two years later and I’ve sold them online all over the United States and as far as the United Kingdom. Guess God had other plans for me.

You can check out my sobriety-inspired creations at www.serenitysac.etsy.com.

Thank you God for bringing me to AA. Thank you AA for bringing me to God.

What I Learned from John R.

My favorite line from John's Step 11 post is "GOD has taught me again and again there is no hurry. AA has taught me that nothing is set in stone." What a relief these concepts can bring to me at any given time.

From his post Asking for Help my favorite line is "Practice, practice, practice. I need to ask for help EVERYDAY." Boy does that sum things up for me. When I fall down I must pick myself up, brush off my knees and try again. Over and over and over. This is just how life is. I need to ask for help because I can forget and that is when some of those negative character defects can peek through.

So how can I make use of this information?

Slow and steady wins the race is what I take from both of these posts. I am making use of this post just by reading it. It is the reminder, the help I need to remember to practice, practice, practice. By reading and responding to this post my thinking is shifting and I am getting what I need to stay sober in this moment.

Thank you John for your contribution to IOCC!

Asking for Help

I just read four different installments on Step 11 from my One Day At A Time/Al-Anon Daily Meditation book.

To this day I don't think I have attended an Al-Anon meeting, but I do cherish this book.

Some of the nuggets I was able to mine from these passages were:

• The battle of concentration vs. stray thoughts...

• The constant maintenance to weed our resentments and fear...

• Being aware of the Great Power available to us...

Awareness is a tough one.

Being aware of my own thought patterns can be very difficult. I find it easy to "see" other peoples "issues"; yet I cannot seem to manage my own. I hate asking for help. Why? I guess it's ego combined with a little shame. So, how do I overcome this?

Practice, practice, practice. I need to ask for help EVERYDAY. Another cool line I was able to extract from the Al-Anon book was: " I will accept HIS help in EVERYTHING I do."

Why do I need to feel pain before I am motivated to do something? I love reading and meditating on different thoughts or concepts presented in readings. The Big Book, the Bible, motivational quotes etc.; there are SO MANY powerful words and sentences to choose from.

Just today I was feeling a little down. Monday blah? I don't know, so I decided to make a phone call to another "friend of Bill's". The simple act of calling another person, thinking of another person does wonders for my connection with GOD and man. All of a sudden I don't feel alone. A "spiritual prescription" that needs to taken everyday - as needed. Prayer to me is making a call to GOD. He is never busy and always listens.

Somehow in those quiet times (prayer + meditation) things become clearer. Seeking KNOWLEDGE and POWER... RECEIVE GUIDANCE for our decisions...

Lastly I had a strong message delivered in my readings tonight, in the form of a question:

"Ask myself whether I have been able to solve my problems without help?"

If I could do that they wouldn't be "problems" now would they?

I think I'll keep asking for help, one day at a time.

Peace,

JR

Step 11 - Sought through Prayer and Meditation to IMPROVE our CONSCIOUS

That is a tall order. This April I celebrated my nineteenth sober anniversary, as I am writing this it's hard for me to fathom. In this moment (9:25PM a very pleasant 64 degrees - nice calm evening) writing a few thoughts about my life and experiences with meditation and prayer; I do feel close to my Higher Power.

I find myself seeking quiet time. On a typical weekday I'll get up around 5:00AM, start my coffee and wash any dishes in the sink. Since it's now May, the morning hours are filled with birds chirping and wonderful smells. Flowers, trees are bursting with a thousand shades of green. Walking the dog and doing dishes are a nice way to ease into the day.

From there I'll pour my first cup of Joe and gather my daily meditation books. I have five that I attempt to read everyday; one of the nicest things about where I am in my life is my patience for myself has grown. GOD has taught me again and again there is no hurry. AA has taught me
that nothing is set in stone.

On a really good morning I'll set aside 15 minutes for real eye closed meditation. My favorite scenario is to keep the lights off and light a few candles. For reading I use a solar powered desk lamp that somehow feels quieter. I read somewhere that the quietest part of the day is where the night meets the day. There is something there. I feel the same something @ meetings or when I am talking to another AA on the phone, or if I'm able to think about someone else and actually care about them.

Words very often fail me. I am so grateful to be sober and realize how lucky I am to be in this moment, enjoying the process of writing and reflecting on my ever growing experiences in seeking God's will for me. I know for sure his will is that I stay sober.

In my office I have a collection of crosses and crucifixes that I began collecting a few years ago. Do they make me feel holy, not really; but again there is something about them. There are so many different shapes and sizes, materials used places they have been gathered from... it's
like my re-charge zone. I feel safe in my home. I feel close to GOD and my family in my home. My wife taught me years ago that THIS IS WHAT MATTERS... friends and family.

I have so many books, prayers, beads, cards and I never seem to have enough. For thousands of years people have been praying and seeking. Why? What is it that drives people for answers or guidance or strength? My mother has prayed for me for years. I pray for her and my sister as
well as those I resent, those who are sick or who are struggling to get sober or who are just plain out there.

Another huge gift in my life is my church. To be a part of a community that accepts everyone and allows everyone to be themselves is a rare situation for me; or perhaps I am accepting myself and therefore accept others? It doesn't really matter. A few years ago I took my dog for a walk and my pastor, ( who lives on our block ) stopped me and asked me if I'd be interested in helping out the church's youth group. Well I did and have just committed to staying on for a third year. To be connected to young people in a church setting is amazing. I feel GOD through them, I am getting to relive some of my struggles through them and feel honored to be entrusted to help guide them. More importantly just be there.

Maybe that's the real trick in life. Just be wherever I am. No more running, hiding, pretending... just be.

All the best,

John R.

What I Learned from Randy F.

Read Randy's Post = Step 3

I printed this post and got out my hot pink highlighter to see what jumped out at me. I had three areas I seemed to key into ~ the self-will muscle, the science of meditation, the first step of learning how to relax our bodies.

Out of these three items the most fascinating to learn about was the science of meditation and I can make use of the self-will muscle and learning to relax our bodies.

What I learned from Randy is how powerful meditation really is. The proven science of how it can actually create new neural pathways, help heal our bodies, generate positive energy that touches every part of our body and others within 5-8 feet of us. This information alone is such encouragement to continue my path of meditation. To work hard on keeping those channels open.

How I can make use of Randy's post is to remember that "self-will muscle" and how it needs regular exercise to let go of the self-centered perspective. In practicing my meditation starting with Randy's suggestion of the first step in relaxing my body and can then move towards the exercise of the mental letting go. Letting go of the thoughts and allowing them to "float by."

Thank you Randy for helping me with my 11th Step practice!

Step 3 by Randy F.

The practice of 11th Step meditation for me is a very practical way to actually "work" the first 3 steps every time I meditate. Here are the first 3 steps of meditation as I have experienced them:

• The 1st Step of meditation: Relax and Let Go of unmanageable thoughts and emotions

• The 2nd Step of meditation: Discover and practice my inner connection to my Higher Power to restore me to sanity

• The 3rd Step of meditation: Make decisions to surrender my self-will to allow God’s will to flow

Meditation helps us to practice letting go of unmanageable thoughts, connect to a power greater than ourselves, and make the decisions to let go and connect over and over again throughout the meditation.

Step Three: “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood him.

I have discovered that I have a very powerful mental and emotional self-will muscle that has been given free rein to rule my thoughts, emotions and my actions for all these years. There is no better description of this muscle in action, in a person totally trapped in ego and separated from their spiritual self, than in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous on pages 60-63.

“Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way. “

“Our actor is self-centered- ego-centric, as people call it today.”

“Selfish –self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self delusion, self-seeking and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate.”

“So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn’t think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us! God makes this possible. We had to have God’s help.”

Imagine how our self-will muscle keeps a firm grip on this self-centered perspective of the world. If we have a perception or worldview, that tells us that we are separate and alone, then, we develop many unconscious emotional programs, fears and behaviors, to protect us in this isolated world. To me, this is the insanity from which I need to be restored, or recovered, from. When I am stuck in that selfish and self-centered place, I am viewing the world as a Randy-centered universe. Everything revolves around me, is being done to me or against me.

This is self-centeredness, what we commonly call Ego, or as I like to call it, my self-will muscles. My self-will muscle worldview is that I’m separate and alone. To me, this is the root of my spiritual disease, my insanity! These self will muscles, just like my physical muscles, contract and hold onto my past perceptions, ideas, resents and fears. I'm reminded of the saying from the rooms - "I never let go of anything that didn't have claw marks on it."

The other inner action of the self-will muscle is pushing. I often push people or situations, thoughts, feelings and things away from me that are uncomfortable. I am in denial, resentment or fear, refusing to see the truth in the "sunlight of the spirit." I pushed away the program and my Higher Power as I went in and out for 5 years before I stayed sober and accepted the idea that I could not take that first drink, no matter what.

These two self-will muscle groups often work together to team up to slow my spiritual progress. I often hear people push away new ideas or habits - such as daily meditation, because they are holding on to the ideas that "meditation doesn't work for me," or "I am just not able to quiet my mind," or "I just don't have time in the day" for 15-20 minutes of quiet meditation.

How do we shift from self-will, Ego, muscle dominance to a sane, whole spiritual perspective and lifestyle? Meditation is a highly effective the tool that gives us practice creating this new worldview.

The simple spiritual exercise of meditation works in so many incredible ways to heal our bodies, our emotions, our minds, the people in our lives and even our planet. In recent years science has discovered that in meditation we:

• change the way our brains are hardwired by mapping new neural pathways

• heal our physical bodies through the transmission of neuro-peptides to every cell in our bodies

• generate a healing, loving, organizing electromagnetic energy from our heart center that touches every part of our body and others within a 5-8 foot radius of us

• transmit biophotons from the sub-atomic level that communicates our thoughts, emotions and actions instantly to the rest of the world

So, why can’t I just change? I got sober when I was 39 years old. I had been living and exercising my self-will muscles for 39 years. There was much energy, or mud, caked around my behaviors, my old belief systems, and my thoughts patterns.

Every action produces a reaction. Science calls this the law of cause and effect. The bible teaches us that “we reap what we sow.” We receive the fruits of what we plant and nurture. The eastern religions call this karma. Everything that we think, or say, or do creates energy in the world. Thoughts are things. Our brain does not know the difference between a thought and an action. Everything that I have thought, felt, said or done has been recorded as energy in my mind, my body and in the Universe. This is a scary thought!

Imagine the character of Pig Pen in the Peanuts comic strip. Like him, we walk around surrounded by a cloud of energy, swirling around us with a multitude of emotional colors and mental baggage, interacting with the world leaving our energy scattered about everywhere we go. As alcoholics and drug addicts, and human beings in general, we have mis-directed our energies. Meditation is a wonderful tool to help us re-train our mind and our perspective on our emotions and our lives.

I call the self that I am striving to remember and reconnect to, my SpiritSelf. This has been described as the True Self, Higher Self, Soul, and Higher Consciousness. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. My SpiritSelf has been a overshadowed to my self-will muscles for much of my life. I practice letting go of my self-will muscles in meditation. I become the observer of my thoughts and life. I discover and reconnect, again, to my Higher Power. I let go and I let God.

But, what is God's Will? How can we tell the difference between God’s will and our will? We have had many years of being the director of our lives. We learn that as we practice meditation and overcoming ourselves we will slowly become more closely connected, the conscious contact promised in the 11th Step, with our SpiritSelf and God.

We begin by developing an awareness in meditation. The first step is learning how to relax our bodies, how to not listen to the “voices” of our mind and to practice connecting with our Higher Power and other human beings. We cannot stop our mind from thinking as we meditate. As thoughts arise in your meditation, just watch them float by, as if on a cloud or in a stream. Become the observer of your thoughts. This is learning to be detached from your thoughts. You will find that this will be a skill that becomes easier the more that you meditate.

You can practice being in the Presence of our Higher Power during meditations. When you settle into our inner meditation space you can begin to create a visualization of what your Higher Power looks like. This can be an image of light, a symbol, a person, or anything that you wish to develop as an image in your meditation of a power greater than yourself. What does this look and feel like? Your Higher Power image will evolve over time as you work with this meditation and throughout your sobriety. Remember, thoughts are things and as you connect to your higher power in meditation you are actually creating this connection!

We encounter a Step 3 opportunity every moment during meditation. It is an opportunity to “make a decision” and take an action – will it be the self-will path or the SpiritSelf path? Will I choose to follow the unmanageable thoughts that are crying for my attention, or will I detach, watch the thought float by and stay centered in the meditative moment?

This is a "surrender moment," a 3rd Step moment in meditation. I have thoughts or distractions in my meditation. I can choose to attach an emotion to them, to be distracted by them, or I can choose to notice the thought, detach from it and return to my meditation. Sometimes when I am unsettled, it seems like the thoughts and distractions are quite regular, I need to remember that I am being given the opportunity to demonstrate, over and over, my "decision" to turn my will and life over to the care of God. What a wonderful gift and exercise to actually practice this surrender moment!

The more I practice this surrender intention during meditation the more I diminish my self-will muscles, my ego. Every time I make the decision to detach from my unmanageable thoughts and emotions I am surrendering to God's will. Each meditation moves me one small step closer to the "conscious contact" promised in Step 11. Some days I sense that I have glimpses of this in the moment, in the now awareness of what the next right action is.

When I am in doubt about what God's will is I follow these tips. I know if I take these actions that I will be very close to making a decision to align with God’s Will:

• Stay sober

• Work the Steps

• Meditate

• Let go and Let God

• Listen to the silence within

• Do the next right thing

• Forgiveness, always

• Express love to yourself and to all others

• Share

I sense an 11th Step Meditation movement within the 12 Step groups. More 11th Step meditation meetings and resources are becoming available each year. Maybe we are at the beginning of the next frontier in recovery - Spiritual Sobriety.

Here is my 11th Step Intention for today....Learn to Meditate. Meditate every day. Meditate with groups. Help others to meditate.

Randy F.

Spirit Step

11th Step Meditation

What I Learned from Dick B.

I chose the post Alcoholics Anonymous History and Early A.A.'s Christian Roots to reflect on. Whenever reading a post by Dick B. I always learn a little more about the history of A.A. As a Christian I am still learning about my own religion and to hear what early Christian A.A.'s did is always of interest.

When Dick listed the parts of the program that early A.A.'s did not have to stay sober I got a slight pang of emotion. How lucky I feel to have had so many pave the way for my recovery. The abundance of meetings, the Steps and Traditions, the information at my fingertips and any time, drunkalogs online, on CDs, and of course at meetings.

So my take on this is how much more they had to rely on God. How would they have done it without? The first three got sober with God. How powerful! Information I have known but not thought of in this way.

The other thing I found very interesting is how Bill wanted to keep the line "on our knees." I get that. Once when working with a sponsee who was really struggling I tried to encourage more prayer and actually getting on her knees. The suggestion was heard although not taken. I have found that when I do get on my knees in prayer it seems to aid in my humility and deepen my connection with God. So I felt affirmed in my experience after reading that.

I can make use of this information by continuing to work on that relationship with God. To improve that conscious contact. To pray hard and hit my knees more.

Thank you Dick B. for sharing so much with us this month!

Gwen R.
TwelveBeads