Prayer and Meditation under acute tensions

August 2008

At first consideration to this question I would have written that my time and effort in prayer and meditation lessons, but upon closer consideration I realize that is not true. Having practiced the discipline for prayer and meditation, reading “upon awakening….” before I start my day as I developed this daily discipline, of relationship with God, each day, regardless of conditions.

The words in step 11, “When agitated or doubtful, we pause…” has been the most beneficial short phrase that has carried me through many tense situations and conditions. I can pause for a few seconds or for days, until the doubt or agitation leaves my consciousness.

I now have a tendency to spend more time in prayer and meditation since my health declined after a serious concussion in 2000. I was afforded the time to pray more often, as my health did not allow me to move at the speed I was accustomed too. Prayer all hours of the day and night saved my sanity, and I did not know what was happening to my health for some time. I only realize today what a luxury this was, as I read in my morning meditation that sometimes God bless’ us with weakness and weariness, or stressful and acute tensions, to allow us to spend time with Him too allow His help and love as He embraces us. And when I am weak I am more apt to allow Him to carry me through difficulties, not fighting His help as I once did, seeing this as a gift and blessing to be weak and need His comfort, intervention, inspiration, etc. reminding me once again that God is the source of all good and all provisions that I need in this life.

Today we have a 'rule' in our marriage, the saner person is responsible to initiate shared prayer, no longer experiencing difficulties and the solution through prayer, done alone and seperate. This works for our marriage, and close relationships. Shared prayer is a wonderful gift, that I was not comfortable with at first, but after several attempts, found this to be an intimate expression of unconditional love and support, that also moved our thinking and emotions from chaos and fear towards Love and peace.

Sometimes I need a reminder that He loves me and is there for me in my weakness and I am not to compare my fragility to the energy of others. We are promised in the big book that we will no longer fight anyone or anything. I have found letting go of fighting my need for God’s help to be the hardest to die, accepting once again in acute tensions of life that I am powerless, and in need of His help and at times the help of others, and this is ok, not a sign of weakness but one of trust.

Prayer during difficult periods in my life has changed, from prayer that reflected my or your need only, to prayers and meditation that includes lifting up my or your needs to God along with thankfulness and trust, knowing that He has already prepared the solution to all my problems.

Peace is the result of a disciplined prayer life, no longer dependant on conditions, as God and I have developed a relationship that is real and I can not imagine ignoring God during a stressful or difficult period in my life, anymore than I would stop talking to my husband, children, mother or other loved ones. I take time for relationships that matter to me, and my relationship with God is the one relationship that gives my life meaning, direction, purpose, and life. I can be as real with God as I am with those closest to me. This is a gift that has come from times of stress, difficulties, pain, suffering and weakness that afforded me the time to spend in prayer and meditation with God.

Conditions no longer dictate who I love and who I am in relationship with, and for me this is true freedom. I am free to love and free to be real, free to need and free to receive, through God, I am no longer a hostage to life’s conditions, knowing conditions change, one prayer at a time.
Many Blessings,
Carol Ann

http://www.take12radio.com/ The “Relationship’ show

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