Step Eleven

“Sought through Prayer and Meditation to improve OUR conscious contact”

This is a tall order. I just spent the last fifteen minutes or so sitting quietly in my home office this AM, attempting to meditate. The lights were out and it is 6:15AM…the only light in the room was a single candle. Pretty spiritual huh? This depends. Monday’s can be a little daunting; I have a job ( thank you Father ) and it can be quite stressful.
The thoughts that ran through my head during this “meditation” were mainly positive. I struggle with choosing what to focus on. Somehow I have attached my job to who I am. We are so much more than what we do.

OUR conscious contact… ultimately the “good” thoughts or practices I have learned since joining the program originated from somewhere other than me. Why did I choose to give this thing a shot? I don’t know. Why did I listen to “crazy” people and take their suggestions? I sensed there was and is something working amongst US.

Three, Seven and Eleven are the “spiritual steps” or so I’ve been told. There are so many connected dots that have lead me to this point in my life. Why must I insist that I am going to screw the whole thing up? That would take so much more work than simply surrendering to God’s Will for me…

I do believe God wants me to have a full life with lots of interaction with others. When Gwen asked me to write about Step 11 I was excited and glad that I was being pushed into action. God pushes me everyday. A few weeks ago I went on a retreat; one of the practices we have is an Adoration Room. Adoration is set up as an intense stretch of time where a symbol is placed in a monstrance on an altar and each retreatant is encouraged to spend 15 minutes in quiet, alone in this room. The idea is that at no time is this symbol left alone.

When I am struggling with negative thoughts and or behaviors I feel alone. When I am angry I feel alone. When self-pity rears its ugly head, I am alone. Fear wants me alone. This is one nasty disease; it wants me dead and alone. Please join us as we walk our daily journey seeking knowledge of HIS WILL for US.

John R.~

No comments: