Showing posts with label prayer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label prayer. Show all posts

4.20.2012

God, I Can’t Hear You

Prayer is not about changing God, but being willing to let God change us.” —Richard Rohr

I have been sober for nearly 13 months and, like most people in their first year of sobriety, I experienced an extraordinary spiritual awakening. Early in recovery, I recall telling my sponsor I had undergone my spiritual Aha! moment. What a joke. Leave it to a real alcoholic like myself to believe I had it all figured out before Step 1 was ever even completed.

In reality, the awakening did not occur at a particular time; instead, it evolved into something wonderful as time passed. I learned and lived the steps. The dark cloud began to fade; the desire to drink diminished over time; and the well-known term ‘easy does it’ started to make perfect sense. Indeed, it was an awakening: my spirit woke up from a long winter’s nap.

Step 11 in the Big Book says we sought through prayer and meditation to improve our communication with God. We ask for knowledge of His will and the power to execute it. While the Eleventh Step is a beautiful way of life, I believe it is often overlooked for the sheer magnitude of its meaning. Words like ‘prayer,’ ‘meditation,’ ‘knowledge of His will,’ and the ‘power to carry that out’ are overwhelming, especially to the alcoholic who has been spiritually dead.

Through daily prayer and pause, God’s whispers are loud and clear. I hear His words and witness His work throughout the day, but I must maintain a grateful heart to receive such blessings. If you’re having difficulty with Step 11, I encourage you to be honest with God. Ask Him to change the desires of your heart so they are in line with His. And, listen closely. You’ll hear Him in the words of a stranger, through the kindness of a friend or in the beauty that surrounds you.

According to page 87 in the Big Book, “We usually conclude the period of meditation with a prayer that we be shown all through the day what our next step is to be, that we be given whatever we need to take care of such problems.” The Eleventh Step is really that simple. Put one foot in front of the other—He’ll take care of the rest.


Alison Broderick is a freelance writer who is passionate about carrying the message of recovery to those suffering from the disease of addiction. She lives in Marietta, Georgia with her husband and two boys, ages 8 and 6, and devotes much of her time to MARR—a non-profit recovery center in Atlanta that provides lasting treatment through gender-specific programs and therapeutic community.

4.07.2012

Self Examination, Meditation, and Prayer

"There is a direct linkage among self-examination, meditation, and prayer.  Taken separately, these practices can bring much relief and benefit.  But when they are logically related and interwoven, the result is an unshakable foundation for life."  Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions page 98

This passage is very powerful to me.  I have a BIG arrow pointing to it in my Step book and many works highlighted.  I think today the word that is speaking to me is "unshakable."  Lets face it, like most people, I have been shaken enough in my life time, so to find something unshakable = GOOD. 

For me, the first part is always the willingness.  I ask myself,  am I willing to continuously practice self-examination?  Yes, I personally am.  I am a BIG lover of Step Ten.  I don't always do it perfectly but the practice is ingrained in me.  In the early years of my recovery I would call my sponsor going on and on about this or that.  Mostly everyday life stuff that would really rattle me.  She would listen briefly and then say "Gwen, go read Step 10 and call me back."  Oh I hated when I got to the words... "every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us." Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions page 90.  But by continuously being brought back to that line the self-examination became a way of life.

Am I willing to continuously practice meditation?  Yes, I personally am.  But now it was a question of HOW?  So in hindsight I can tell you I started doing this in the earliest days of my recovery unknowingly.  See I could not sleep in early recovery.  I was so used to the alcohol pass out I had no idea how to settle my mind and go to sleep without it.  There were many many nights I only dozed off here and there.  People in the rooms told me "no one ever died from lack of sleep."  My friends mother, not recovery related at all, gave me a meditation cassette.  I used it every night.  I wore that cassette OUT!  It was a guided meditation.  I just popped it in and laid in bed.  It was amazing how it worked. 

As I stayed sober this practice, every so slowly grew and grew.  I bought more guided meditations and bought many books.  I was open and tried new ways of getting the mind quiet.  Journals, letters to God (combo self exam and meditation,) walking, being alone in nature, breathing (what a concept.) 

Am I willing to continuously practice prayer?  Yes, I personally am.  Again I was doing this from my earliest days in recovery.  My prayers started out something like this... "God please help me stay sober for the next five minutes."  I clung to the lines I heard old timers say, "I never saw someone get drunk who HONESTLY got on his hands and knees and asked God to keep him sober."  I put a ton of faith in that from day one.  Guess what?  It worked.  Time and again, over and over, one day at a time, I stayed sober.  In my worst moments I would hit my knees and BEG God to keep me sober till I could get to that next meeting.  Slowly the begging was not necessary as the obsession to drink faded away.  But life continued and I learned to STAY sober I still needed Gods help.  Life was happening all around me and I had no clue how to deal with it.  I blindly asked God for acceptance of _____________, for willingness, to slow down, for help.  I used the Serenity Prayer, the Third Step prayer, the Seventh Step prayer, the Prayer of St. Francis.  People gave me prayer cards.  One I remember was Slow Me Down Lord.


It has taken many years to interweave these practices in my life.  Please don't think I am in any way on a kneeler every morning with lit candles then sitting for hours in a meditative pose.  I am a human being, soberly living in a high paced world.  I have days when I can do a very formal practice and days when it is done quickly.  The point is I am willing to continue building my unshakable foundation and it just gets stronger every day.

Are you willing?

Gwen R~

9.18.2011

The Melody & The Primal Cry

We all take for granted that prayers have words. Every religion has traditional readings that are composed by its most esteemed and knowledgeable leaders. They are well versed in the theological philosophies of that religion, and figure out the best way to standardize the moments that we take every day to connect with our G0d.

We often stray away from the traditional liturgy to compose our own prayers. We reflect on our personal life, and from the recesses of our minds and hearts our prayer is composed. The text of this prayer is tailor made for our current situation and exact mood. It expresses exactly what we think and fell right now.

But can words really contain the true power of our thoughts? How can letters capture the immense energy of my feelings and emotions? The answer is that indeed words cannot fully express our essential self. The only way that we can bring out our inner most self is not by words but by song, especially the melodies without words. According to Kabbalah the song is the quill of the soul. Melody allows for our essential self to be known to ourselves and others.

Kabbalisitic masters have composed hundreds of songs with various meaning behind them, for us to use as inspiration, and for us to be able to express our inner most selves in our daily meetings with our G0d. For more on the Jewish tradition of song read this summary by Rabbi Tzvi Freeman. Do yourself a favor and listen to this classic prayer melody - The Three Stanzas.

Digging deeper, it seems that melodies have limitations too. Each melody has a specific rhythm to it. Some songs elicit joy, some induce deep yearnings, and some melodies remind us of how small we are. But the essence our soul is deeply connected to G0d beyond the limitations of joy, sadness or any mistake that we can ever make. The only way to connect G0d on that level is through the Primal Cry. No tune, no notes, no melody. Just a simple sound coming out from the depth of our soul, reaching out to the highest of high, connecting with our loving and accepting G0d.

This month, as we prepare to enter the new Jewish Year, we conclude our daily morning with a blast of the Shofar - a ram's horn. There are many meaning to this practice, the most profound one being that the Shofar is our way of expressing our deepest self, through a Primal Cry. The Primal Cry takes us past all of our limitations, and puts us in touch with our purest self, which is in turn in touch with the essence of G0d.

So, next time you think of prayer, think beyond words. Consider a melody, or perhaps even a Primal Cry. You may sound like a baby crying for its parent, but that a good thing...



3.10.2011

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

“Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help.”

What comes before “then?” How can I/we accomplish this noble gesture?

In the past couple of weeks I have been in transition at work. It is amazing how “comfortable” we can get in our routines. Simply put, my job description has changed and I am no longer a “manager” and am now just a sales guy. If I look at just the facts, it really is a good situation. My boss and company have decided I was in the wrong position and allowed me to return to my “old” position with the same salary.

So, I am getting paid as if I am a manager; but do not have the headaches that go along with this job. That is a win from my chair; but… my emotions have taken me on a ride that I am much too familiar with. “What will everyone think?” “I am a failure” “John didn’t have what it took” No one but the almighty “I” generated this negative chatter.

The domino effect is one negative thought leads to another and the next thing I know is my confidence is gone; I am splashing in a swamp of self-pity, moping around like a little baby wondering why I feel like ka-ka.

Meetings, meetings, meetings. That part of my routine has not changed. I also call other folks in recovery, and they call me, just about everyday. My expectation is/was that I “should not be effected” all I need to do is “snap out of it” and stop being a “baby”. Sheesh, I am tired just writing this stuff down!

The plus side is, THIS TOO SHALL PASS, is very real. Lo and behold I kept picking up the phone and talking. I kept picking up sponsees and taking them, and myself, to meetings. I opened up the Big Book early in the AM, before jumping on the computer, before checking for text messages, first thing. Page 84 just after the Promises is one of my favorite sections of the book. It tells me “WHEN” these negative emotions crop up… not “IF”, so I guess WE all have this challenge in some way. It also mentions what our FUNCTION is… to “grow in effectiveness and understanding” man that is a tall order.

You want me to grow? Why? That sounds like work! I, ME, MYSELF the SELF-SEEKER mentioned in Step Three is the trap. I am the enemy of me… But AA and GOD have brought me to a place where I can LOVE me, and thus allow me to TURN MY THOUGHTS to others. Without help I am done. My THOUGHT LIFE can be scary, funny, stuck, blank, sputtering or even an annoying hum.

How does this relate to my prayer / meditative life? Reading Step Eleven in the Big Book is a way I meditate. Keeping my eyes and ears open when walking or driving is a way I practice meditation. Watching a sparrow flit through the air and adeptly navigate through the branches of a tree amazes me… how do they do that without crashing? They inherently KNOW what to do. To be in awe of a sunrise or sunset, to notice the bare beginnings of buds on trees, it generates an anticipation of GOD’s power that will soon be on display. To me meditation is very simple; thinking about GOD, prayer is thanking him for what I have, and for what has been removed. Just as the shoots of spring emerge from the cold dark soil, I too have and continue to emerge from the darkness of my disease and reach for the power of GOD’s love.

(To be continued)
by John R.

6.07.2010

I came. I came to. I came to believe.

This pretty much sums it up for me.
by Rhonda O.

It was during my night in jail that I said my first honest prayer. I had no idea how my life had gotten in such horrible shape and I had nowhere to look but up. That was July 14, 2006. By the Grace of God I haven’t found it necessary to drink or drug since that day. I entered a 28 day treatment facility three days later and it was there that I learned about my disease and I learned of the Power of God.

On that plane ride to Florida, a man changed seats and came and set by me. His name was Henry from Alabama. Henry was a big, burly ole country guy. When he asked, “so what brings you to Florida little lady, business or pleasure”, and I responded with “drug treatment”, he nearly fell out of his seat. We talked a bit and when the drink cart neared our seats Henry asked what I would like to drink. I told him I was toying with a Jack and Diet. He said in his hearty country voice, “Not on my watch you don’t!” I’m like, “Henry, dude, I’ve known you like ten minutes!” He said he’d throw the biggest fit I’d ever seen on a plane if I ordered a drink. So when the cart got to us, I smiled and ordered a diet coke. It was at that moment that I realized God had placed Henry next to me. God doing for me what I could not do for myself.

When I completed my treatment program and was flying back home, I sat in that airport terminal knowing no one thinking ‘I could have a drink on the plane. No one would know.’ I boarded the plane and sat next to a professional looking woman. She asked, “so what brought you to Florida, business or pleasure?” I responded, “drug treatment.” She immediately took my hand and said, “I’m an inspirational speaker. Can I pray with you?” I remember this vividly. I remember me looking up and saying, “ok, ok!” God doing for me what I could not do for myself.

When I arrived home and jumped head first into AA, my eyes began to open even wider. I saw God working in other people’s lives and began to believe He would also be what saved me. It was very early in my sobriety that the obsession was removed. I know that it was not me who flipped that “off switch.”

I have worked diligently in my sobriety to improve my conscious contact. I begin each morning on my front porch in the quiet darkness with my coffee, a cigarette, and conversation with God. I thank him throughout each day for the little blessings that I’m finally able to see. I thank him again when I go to bed for another sober day and for the gifts He’s given me.

My biggest worry, as with most moms, is our 22 year old son, Anthony. He’s had his own journey with socially using and drinking. I’ve spent too many nights to count unable to sleep until I hear him pull in the driveway. A few months ago I heard a woman in a meeting saying how she no longer asks God to be with her children. Instead she thanks Him for being with them wherever they are. Thank goodness my ears were open that night.

Since that night I’ve been thanking God for riding home with Anthony in the wee hours of the morning. He’s a gamer and he and his friends play all night. This simple little change in my prayer has changed my perspective and I haven’t laid awake for about two months now. It’s amazing. This simple little suggestion has given me more peace than anything else in the program. I use this prayer of thankfulness on most every situation and day by day my fear is diminishing. I’ve never been more grateful and aware of His presence in my life.

I was taught in treatment to turn things over to God by writing them down and putting them in my God Box. Somewhere along the road to happy destiny I had this idea to create God Bags (marketed as Serenity Sacs). There’s something about writing down my worries and putting them in God’s hands that brings me peace and increases my faith. I made them for my sponsees as Christmas gifts and had no intention of selling them. Here it is two years later and I’ve sold them online all over the United States and as far as the United Kingdom. Guess God had other plans for me.

You can check out my sobriety-inspired creations at www.serenitysac.etsy.com.

Thank you God for bringing me to AA. Thank you AA for bringing me to God.

5.10.2010

Asking for Help

I just read four different installments on Step 11 from my One Day At A Time/Al-Anon Daily Meditation book.

To this day I don't think I have attended an Al-Anon meeting, but I do cherish this book.

Some of the nuggets I was able to mine from these passages were:

  • The battle of concentration vs. stray thoughts...
  • The constant maintenance to weed our resentments and fear...
  • Being aware of the Great Power available to us...

Awareness is a tough one.

Being aware of my own thought patterns can be very difficult. I find it easy to "see" other peoples "issues"; yet I cannot seem to manage my own. I hate asking for help. Why? I guess it's ego combined with a little shame. So, how do I overcome this?

Practice, practice, practice. I need to ask for help EVERYDAY. Another cool line I was able to extract from the Al-Anon book was: " I will accept HIS help in EVERYTHING I do."

Why do I need to feel pain before I am motivated to do something? I love reading and meditating on different thoughts or concepts presented in readings. The Big Book, the Bible, motivational quotes etc.; there are SO MANY powerful words and sentences to choose from.

Just today I was feeling a little down. Monday blah? I don't know, so I decided to make a phone call to another "friend of Bill's". The simple act of calling another person, thinking of another person does wonders for my connection with GOD and man. All of a sudden I don't feel alone. A "spiritual prescription" that needs to taken everyday - as needed. Prayer to me is making a call to GOD. He is never busy and always listens.

Somehow in those quiet times (prayer + meditation) things become clearer. Seeking KNOWLEDGE and POWER... RECEIVE GUIDANCE for our decisions...

Lastly I had a strong message delivered in my readings tonight, in the form of a question:

"Ask myself whether I have been able to solve my problems without help?"

If I could do that they wouldn't be "problems" now would they?

I think I'll keep asking for help, one day at a time.

Peace,

JR

1.04.2010

What I Learned from Rabbi Yisrael Pinson

Read The Joy of Praying by Rabbi Pinson.

Joy is not usually the first thing that comes to mind when I think of prayer. This is why I love reading when Rabbi Pinson writes. What a wonderful way to look at prayer. For some reason when I think of prayer I think about the work of it and the seriousness of what I am praying about. I rarely put the connection together with the positive results of prayer. In reading this post I am once again reminded of the daily "leg work that creates such joy."

I learned from Rabbi Pinson that to get that inner joy it takes commitment and self improvement. It takes work but when done right that work will produce inner joy. I am ready to do the work!

Thank you Rabbi Yisrael Pinson for your insight on inner joy.

What I Learned from Wolf

Read Wolf's post.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading Wolf's post. My favorite line "The way that is best for them." This is Wolf's respond to the questions "How must one pray?" and "How must on meditate?" Although I love much of the formality religions bring to prayer and meditation, making the connection with the God of our understanding is what is truly important.

Things I was reminded of in this post...
1. "the more frequently I pray for guidance and to express gratitude, the more residual and steadfast the serenity. The more regularly I meditate, the deeper the serenity."

2. "Ideally, we should be praying frequently throughout our day and meditation 2-3 times a day."

3. "The rewards also include a wonderful transformation of our attitudes towards life and all things. In time there are less "problems" and more serenity."


Now that I have shared with you what I have learned/relearned let's talk about how I can make use of this in my life. One of my goals for 2010 is to judge myself less. When I read things that say "The way that is best for them" it alows me to let go of those preconcieved ideas of how things should look. I can use that statement as a daily affirmation to help me judge my prayer and meditation habits without judgement. My three reminders are just that. Reaffirmations of what I should be doing and why. The rewards are amazing yet I need constant reminders to push my prayer and meditation practices to deeper levels.

Thank you Wolf for the teaching us all the Rewards and Gifts of Prayer and Meditation!

9.16.2009

Rewards and gifts of prayer and meditation

Rewards of prayer and meditation. First, let us consider some basic questions and ideas, as they will relate to this blog entry.

What is a reward?
A gift or compensation for an effort or action

Does this mean prayer and meditation are difficult or require substantial effort to gain a reward?
Yes. No.

For some, their personal connotation of these words will cause them to be difficult to achieve. These are folks who have allowed the words (prayer, meditation) to become entangle with and overshadowed by their perception of the word religion. These may be folks who have developed a general aversion to religion and are not aware that religion and spirituality are two distinct different things. Or possibly folks who have just never developed an understanding of spirituality. For others, over emphasis will make them difficult to achieve. These are folks who feel it must be done in just such a way or feel crippled by not “knowing how” to.

For others prayer and meditation are very easy, sometimes spontaneous, or just “natural.”

What is prayer?
Prayer is a directed, one-way communication with an outside force. We direct or thoughts or questions or concerns or requests to a specific entity. This is focused expression to a distinct spirit or group of spirits. For some it may be a “casual conversation” to (not with) their Creator. In other words, they are chatting with sincerity to their entity not expecting any exchange dialog. This may be to express concern or request guidance. To express gratitude for life’s gifts or beauty or to seek an understanding of something that troubles us.

What is meditation?
Meditation is a purposeful quieting of the mind with intent to focus deeply.

The focus may be on many different intents such as calming the nerves, relaxing the body, opening the mind to “answers,” receiving direction from a higher power, “installing” a concept or idea as a new belief or truth. Calming the nerves, relaxing the body and opening the mind are all part of the process into meditation; however, they may also be the single goal of that specific meditative session.

How must one pray?
The way that is best for them. Individual philosophies and religions often teach a recommended way to pray, however, there is no spiritual law that dictates how you must pray.

How must one meditate?
The way that is best for them. Again, there are many “suggested” ways to meditate, however, an individual can easily try them out to find what fits them best just as they would try a few pairs of shoes or pants to find which fits best.

So… what are some of these gifts or rewards that come to us through prayer and meditation?
Serenity!
There simply is no faster, more effective way to gain serenity than through prayer and meditation. Do you have to both pray and meditate? Not at all. In fact, prayer and meditation are separate functions. Prayer is a fast, at the moment communication with a higher power and can be achieved at any time. Whereas meditation requires time and the absence of any other activity. Both however, are very effective in gaining peace of mind and quieting the internal chatter, often called the “committee.”

For some this single, pure reward of serenity may only be brief following immediately after or shortly after prayer or meditation. For others it may be residual for several hours or even days. What I have learned is that the more frequently I pray for guidance and to express gratitude, the more residual and steadfast the serenity. The more regularly I meditate, the deeper the serenity.

The ingredients that combine into serenity are peace of mind, faith, acceptance, patience, tolerance and gratitude. Any one ingredient gives us a “bit” of serenity; however, the more of the ingredients that come together, the deeper and more fulfilling the serenity.

When we pray or meditate, we need to focus on each of these and seek them.

Each individual ingredient is also a gift in itself. In times of uncertainty, peace of mind is priceless. When we are in a hurry, patience and tolerance can be wonderful when we encounter others who have no need to be in a hurry.

Ideally, we should be praying frequently throughout our day and meditating 2-3 times a day. Praying for guidance in decisions, praying for guidance in living “in a good way,” and acknowledging gratitude for the special moments in our day (seeing a flower, seeing an animal, seeing a smile, opportunities to smile to a stranger, opportunities to do good things,..). We should pray gratitude for the things and people we have in our lives, and gratitude for our lives. We should meditate in the morning asking for guidance and the blessing of starting the day in a good frame of mind with good intentions. We should meditate in the evening and seek guidance and awareness of how to become a better person and for answers to our questions and awareness of our mistakes.

Hello my friend- it’s very difficult to live ideally! What we can do though, is make a conscious effort to live that way as best as possible. Work at becoming aware of opportunities to pray throughout the day and set aside time to meditate at least once a day. The gifts and rewards are priceless and the “effort” fades away as the practice becomes part of our life.

The rewards also include a wonderful transformation of our attitudes towards life and all things. In time there are less “problems” and more serenity.

The bottom line of step eleven is improving our conscious contact with our Higher Power and seeking to live the type of wonderful life that HP intends for us. We do this through prayer and meditation. We become better people. We experience life in a better way. We come to know a sense of serenity that baffles “normal” people.


By Wolf running with the Spirit Wind

3.23.2009

Step Eleven: Will

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with G-d as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.



Desire

Of all the Steps, the Eleventh speaks most explicitly about our relationship with G-d and how that connection is maintained. But aside from telling us how to seek G-d, does this Step tell us more about who G-d is? The answer is a definitive yes. At first reading, it may be easy to miss, but with careful consideration, we can see that the Eleventh Step makes what is perhaps the important statement about G-d to be found in all of The Steps.

Step Eleven reads: “Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with G-d as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.”

G-d has a will. With this one word, Step Eleven communicates the most essential component of our concept of G-d.

Step Three, which speaks of G-d’s caring as well as Steps Five, Six and Seven which describe His desire for a relationship with us, both indicate that G-d has a will. But here, in Step Eleven, G-d’s will is explicitly mentioned for the first time. And not only does G-d have a will, but He has a specific “will for us.” G-d wants something from each of His creations.



Need vs. Want

Many philosophical and religious systems view the idea of G-d wanting something to be problematic. How can an infinite and perfect being want for anything? Does this not imply lacking?

Judaism is not troubled by this concept. Indeed, it is the very foundation of Judaism as a covenantal religion. G-d promises to uphold His end of the deal, but He also wants certain things in return. As G-d told Abraham, father of the Jewish people, “I will establish my covenant as an everlasting covenant… As for you, you must keep my covenant, you and your descendants after you for the generations to come.” (Gen. 17:7-9) Again, just prior to the Revelation at Sinai, G-d tells Moses, “Now if you obey me fully and keep my covenant, then out of all nations you will be my treasured possession….” (Ex. 19:5) Clearly, G-d wants something.

Indeed, the exact nature of His will – what He wants and does not want – is the very basis of Torah law. The commandments (mitzvot) are not arbitrary orders but an expression of G-d’s desires. Indeed, as the kabbalists describe it, G-d makes Himself vulnerable, so-to-speak, by articulating His likes and dislikes and allowing his creations free choice as to whether or not they will abide by these wishes. As such, Judaism does not view adherence to G-d’s commandments so much as a matter of obedience as a matter of sensitivity to what G-d wants from us. That is not to say that without our compliance G-d is somehow incomplete (perish the thought.) G-d certainly requires nothing. He has no needs. But He does have a will; and this will is no less than the driving force behind all of creation.

Because G-d needs nothing, He also did not need to create. Had He chosen not to be a Creator, He would still be G-d. Yet G-d wants to create. And He wants to create because He wants something from His creations. In the words of the Midrash, G-d made the world because “He yearned to have a dwelling place in the lower realms.” The Chasidic masters explain this to mean that G-d created the world because of a passionate desire to be “at home” in a realm inhabited by sentient beings with free will and ego-consciousness. Why G-d wants this, we cannot know. Indeed, the difference between a need and a desire is that a need can be rationally defended but a desire has no practical reason. As Rabbi Schneur Zalman, founder of the Chabad school of Chasidism, used to say when discussing the nature of G-d’s will for creation, “Of a desire, one may ask no questions.”

Understanding this concept is crucial for the spirituality of the recovering addict. It is not enough that the addict believe in a G-d who has all of the qualities to which the other Steps allude – power, goodness and forbearance. The addict’s recovery is based upon a relationship with a G-d who has a specific will for him or her, a G-d who asks for things and allows Himself to be served. A G-d who wants nothing, who has no opinion or preferences, cannot be served. And without the opportunity to serve, one cannot transcend the self.



Thy Will (Not Mine)

As noted above in reference to Step Two, the problem of the addict is primarily an obsession with control. This is why it is so important to see G-d as a “power greater than ourselves.” But in order to fully address the issue, it must be recognized that the addict’s desire for control is just that – a desire. In other words, the addict has a will. Accordingly, recovery means to realize that G-d also has a will and to place that will before one’s own.

The Big Book says: “We usually conclude the period of meditation with a prayer that we be shown all through the day what our next step is to be… We ask especially for freedom from self-will….” (p. 87) This remarkably parallels the Jewish prayer contained in liturgy for the early morning: “May it be Your will, L-rd my G-d and G-d of our fathers, to accustom us to following Your instructions and to adhere to the fulfillment of Your commandments… Let not our evil inclination have mastery over us… [rather] force our inclination to be subservient to You.”

One often hears those in recovery say, “I had to stop doing things my way because my way doesn’t work.” This begs the question, “Which way does work?” Some may be inclined to give a vague answer like, “The Steps” or “the program” but The Steps and the program clearly tell us that the way that works is G-d’s. First and foremost, the addict seeks to align his or her own will to the will of G-d.

To wit, the phrase “Thy will be done” is found three times in the Big Book of AA. The wording is obviously a direct reference to The Lord’s Prayer from Christian liturgy. But an interesting edition is made to these words on p. 85 where it states, in relation to the Eleventh Step, “Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of G-d’s will into all of our activities. ‘How can I best serve Thee – Thy will (not mine) be done.’” The context of the phrase and the notable insertion of the words in parentheses – “not mine” – put a quite a new spin on these words not to be found in the original. Here, “Thy will be done” is used as a request to G-d that in all areas of life, His will should overrule our own. In other words, the program is describing a G-d who has an opinion about “all of our activities.” Whether we eat, sleep, do business or pray, there is a way to do it that conforms to G-d’s will. As King Solomon said (Proverbs 3:6), “In all your ways you should know Him and He will make your paths straight,” or, in the words of the Mishnah (Pirkei Avot 2:12), “All your deeds should be for the sake of Heaven.”



Knowledge of His Will for Us

There are those who concede that G-d may have a will but think it arrogant to assume that we can ever hope to know what it is. Of course, Judaism is based on the idea that G-d has explicitly revealed His will and told His people exactly what He wants. That is precisely what occurred at the Revelation at Sinai more than three millennia and three centuries ago. Some may still argue that this constitutes only a general will, but that G-d does not communicate a specific will for the individual.

In answer:

First of all, the commandments are a specific will for the individual. One cannot perform all of the commandments in every place and at every time. We fulfill the commandments wherever and whenever they are applicable to the situation. Thus, by leading the individual to a particular situation where a specific commandment may be observed, G-d is certainly indicating His will for that person.

I once dealt with a young Jewish man who was suffering from mental illness. It was time for a group meeting and he was nowhere to be found so I went to the dormitory to fetch him. I found him collapsed in his bed. I asked him if he was able to get up. He replied that he was able but that he did not want to. I asked him why not. He told me that he did not want to move until G-d told him to do so. I went to the library and brought back a copy of the Concise Code of Jewish Law from which I then read to him: “When one awakens in the morning, one must immediately recognize and appreciate the kindness G-d has done with him… One should say [the prayer] ‘I give thanks]… and by doing so, he will realize that G-d is in his midst and will immediately get out of bed and prepare himself for the service of G-d.” The young man thought about these words and got out of bed.

Secondly, if we are to believe in G-d’s meticulous providence for every detail in His creation, then we also believe that G-d will show us the right path in every aspect of life. This does not have to come in the form of prophecy or a booming voice from the clouds. G-d’s will can be revealed to us in a number of ways that are perfectly natural and normal. As the Baal Shem Tov taught, “Everything a person sees or hears can be taken as a lesson in serving the Creator.” In the words of the Big Book (p. 164), “God will constantly disclose more to you and to us… The answers will come, if your own house is in order.”





“And the Power to Carry that Out”

By deferring his or her own personal will, the addict is promised a new way of life that is infinitely more fulfilling than a life of active addiction. But there are many who are uncomfortable with the notion of such complete surrender. They think it to be a prescription for passivity.

The Jewish view, however, is that submission to G-d’s will is the key to effective living. As the Sages taught (Pirkei Avot 2:4), “Make His will your will so that He may fulfill your will as though it were His will. Set aside your will because of His will so that He may set aside the will of others before your will.” From here it would seem that deferring to G-d’s will is not just necessary for the addict wishing to achieve sobriety but a useful suggestion for all people. With self-will, one is limited in his or her ability and wherewithal. One may confront an obstacle or an impasse that cannot be negotiated or overcome. What this teaching relates to us is that by doing things “G-d’s way” rather than our own, we channel the force of the Creator. And nothing can stop the force of the Creator in His creation.

Thus, we return to our first concept of G-d that we gleaned from The Steps – that He is Power. Giving up on self-will in order to do G-d’s will is not passivity. It does not mean that one has no will. It means that one’s will now comes from a higher place than his or her own needs and wants. Judaism sees this as the ultimate level of human existence. Indeed, the patriarchs – Abraham, Isaac and Jacob – are lauded as being “chariots” for the Divine Will for they lived their entire lives in a state of complete surrender to G-d. Rabbi Schneur Zalman writes in Tanya that the average person also becomes such a vehicle for G-d’s Presence whenever he or she fulfills any of the commandments.

In this light, submission to G-d’s will means to become a medium that channels the Divine. “The power to carry that out” is this inherent to the act of surrender. In other words, G-d does not just tell us what He wants us to do; He tells us how to become a conduit for His will and His power by doing what He wants.



--
Shais Taub

New content added all the time at chasidicthought.com

2.03.2008

Belonging - healing from spiritual shame

A Sense of belonging
Prayer and Meditation in Action

When I first started praying every day, and then began to learn to include meditation into my prayer life, as a disciplined aspect of my relationship with God, this was a very private area of my life for some time. I thought I was shy and insecure about prayer and I had a lot of fear of being made fun of when it came to my spiritual life, hopes, dreams and beliefs. It took several years for me to learn that I needed to recover from spiritual abuse that had resulted in my deep soul shame.

I experience this sense of belonging today, on a regular basis, but that was not always the case. The gift of 'having a sense of belonging' results from regular prayer and meditation in my life. I would like to share the one experience that began my soul's healing, as it related to prayer and belonging. This came from the efforts of another; my shame and resentments were so deep that I could not reach out to 'connect' spiritually with anyone. It was one special day, while in treatment with 6 years sober, and through the prayers of another that brought me this gift.
I was in my room trying to write my 'assignment' that was the beginning of my treatment program, and I sat at the end of my bed with a blank mind, paper and pen. My roommate walked in, I can not recall her name today or how long she had been sober, but she has never been forgotten by me, as her gift changed the course of my recovery and my life. She asked me what I was doing and after telling her my assignment to write and that I had no thoughts to make note of, she asked me if I had talked to God about it through prayer. I laughed, that 'you have got to be kidding me' kind of laugh, as I would not be in treatment 6 years sober if I could pray.

I told her no I had not, and the next thing she did was to ask me, instead of walking out of the room, "Would you like for me to pray for you?" I said yes, assuming she would walk away leaving me with the notion that I would be prayed for, as this was what I was accustomed too.

That is not what she did. She knelt down in front of me and held my hands and closed her eyes as she began to pray for me. I was shocked that someone I hardly knew was taking the time to stop and pray with me. I do not recall what she said, but I remember those tears as they rolled down my face, recognizing the lack of shame and care in her voice as she prayed to God for my needs. I grieved, accepting the loving offer of prayer she made for me, a stranger. I had never experienced that gift of love from a stranger before, and as she finished praying she got up and walked out of the room, leaving me to write my assignment. And, I was able to do so.

Her love, time and faith encouraged me and broke through my exterior wall of protection and spiritual shame, giving me a sense of belonging for the first time since my best friend had died and I knew I was no longer alone, especially in the spiritual world. I knew that my life depended on a spiritual way of life, but unrealistic idea's, grief and pain had filled my heart with resentments, blocking my soul from the sunlight of the spirit. Her prayer was like opening a dam that had kept me in spiritual prison, letting in fresh air and light.

I have never forgotten her example of action, (even after 20 years) and the effects of spiritual abuse and shame has healed allowing me to 'come out of the spiritual closet.' No longer concerned so much with what others think of me, spiritually. I have grown, not forgetting my former spiritual isolation, shame, fear, anger and loneliness and with her example of action and faith, I became willing to share prayer with others and to pray, talk to God spontaneously, no longer believing only memorized prayers are worthy of His attention.

Today, I am willing to pray for and with others, and have found this to be the action and power that caused the walls of difference, prejudice and shame to crumble, freeing me to experience shared unity that asks nothing in return. Sharing prayer with others is the action that gives me this gift of belonging and has freed me from spiritual isolation to be one in the body of God's family.

With gratitude and in His service
Carol Ann Preston, Chaplain

1.19.2008

January 13, 2008
Carol Ann Preston

Inspiration: motivation, incentive, enlightenment, illumination, brainstorm, vision, etc.

Practicing the discipline of prayer and meditation for over 26 years I have been willing to learn and grow as Ilearn to listen and recognize inspiration and to follow God’s Spirit as the source to inspire my daily life. Today I rely on Spirit’s inspiration and more readily recognize the difference between ego inspired thoughts and those that are in harmony with the Spirit of Christ and these have a foundation of love, joy, perseverance and discipline. I have found one consistent theme and that is Love.

Some examples where I have experienced inspiration have often been the simplest ones that I hear at the beginning of the day, when I am uncertain what I am to do that day, ‘get up and do the next right thing.’ Sometimes I am inspired to clean house, other times I am inspired to write, make phone calls, write letters, or take a walk. These are the simple and what seems to be ordinary inspirations of my daily life, although in the beginning there was no such thing as ordinary inspiration, as my spirit was starved for inspired thoughts, something that was not focused on me. It has been through many spiritual awakenings, practicing disciplined prayer and meditation in my life that ushers into my mind inspired thoughts at various times of the day. Beginning with a committed, disciplined relationship with Christ, I also committed to follow His lead, as I am directed, on a ‘need to know basis.’ In doing so, inspired thoughts and opportunities of service have increased as I also continue to practice examination of conscious and watch for 'ego' that would deceive me.

Sometimes I wake up at 3:00AM and I am inspired to get up and pray for others. Sometimes I am inspired during my time of prayer who to pray for, but many times I pray for people in general, and I pray for about an hour and then go back to bed. In the early years of listening to inspiration, I was also growing in my trust in God’s Spirit to guide me throughout the day and I began to experience seemingly simple guidance as I practiced the discipline of ‘listening.’ I learned that discipline and trust is a key component in my being inspired. I had become willing to follow as He led, on a need to know basis. And this simple attitude works well in my harmonious relationship with God. Knowing He his part is to lead and mine is to follow.

One early afternoon I was on my way home from work, having worked late the night before I was afforded the privilege to go home early and I looked forward to taking a much needed nap before my children came home from school. A block before our home, the thought came to my mind to drive to my daughter’s school and pick her up. I argued back and forth in my head as I considered my desire to take a quick nap and I did not want to go anywhere else. But, this inspiration did not stop; over and over in my head was the same instruction, "Go to your daughters school." After relenting, sensing this instruction was an opportunity of trusting discipline, I followed and made a left turn at the stoplight and drove straight to her school.

I parked along the driveway, where there were plenty of other parents in their cars waiting for their children. This was Jr. High and since I saw plenty of students lingering out front I assumed the school bell had already dismissed students for the day. With parents sitting in their car I noticed there was no school faculty out front with the students. I thought this was odd and then saw a large gathering of students off to the front side of the school building. Recalling Jr. High myself, I sensed this meant trouble. I got out of my car and walked into a circle of students and heard, "Mom" loud and clear and noticed my daughter was one of those on the outside of the circle with the other kids. There were two pre-teen young girls in the middle of this circle who were about to start fighting. I mean physically fighting, with a large gathering of other students surrounding and encouraging them. I noticed that one of my daughter’s best friends was in the middle of this soon to be fight. "Where were all the teachers?" I thought to myself. I yelled out my daughter’s and her girlfriend’s name and with authority told them both to follow me and get in my car, ‘NOW!’ With no argument, the girls quickly followed me and jumped into the backseat of my car, with no word spoken by anyone until we had pulled away from the school. "What was going on?" I asked. I was told that my daughter’s friend was about to fight another, much stronger and bigger girl from school as she had made this girl mad and had known she would be hurt in a fight, and so on. She was greatly relieved to having had an option out of the fight. I thought silently to my self, "God knew there would be no faculty out front when this fight would have occurred, and someone called out to Him for help, and I was able to ‘hear’ an opportunity to be His instrument of service."

The girls wanted to know why I was there, since it was not customary for me to pick my children up from school. I told them about the inspired thought that came to my thoughts and told them that their guardian angels were looking out for them that day and to thank God for His ever-presence, and reminded them that all areas of our lives matter to God. Arriving home, I allowed myself a time of peace and quiet prayer and meditation, never forgetting this example to follow persistent inspiration, even when I do not know the why of it all.

The last example I would like to share, is when my young cousin died. One early morning, during my prayer and meditation time, I sensed that I needed to drive the following day and visit my aunt and uncle. I told my husband, noticed that I had no previous commitments, and packed for the following days 4 hour drive. I went about my day as normal, and went to bed with plans to spend one to two days with my relatives.

The following morning, after I had begun my day, I received a phone call early from my mother. She told me that my cousin had drowned the day before, as he worked on a barge in the Gulf of Mexico and it had taken on water, and my cousin did not survive. She told me that it would be at least a day before she could put her affairs in order to make the drive to her brother’s home, and asked me if I could drive to stay with them until she could get there.

I told her that I was already packed, and about the inspired thoughts to go and visit my aunt and uncle the day before. When she called, I was already dressed and packed, ready to go, ready to be of service to my aunt and uncle who had just been notified that their only son had drowned. Leaving grieving parents, a sister, a young widow and 3 young children to pray for and minister too.

As I drove the next few hours, I talked to God the entire way, with a grateful heart that I had been called to be a channel for His love, and grateful that I had learned to listen and follow directions, even when I did not know why. I was grateful that my husband had become accustomed to inspired thoughts and avenues of service and that he supports my efforts. I was allowed the privilege of serving my grieving aunt and uncle, and assisting in the preparation of a memorial service for my cousin, utilizing years of experience in supporting the grieving, to now give to my family.

God guides me toward acts of love, consideration and kindness to those around me, with an attitude of care and respect. God’s creation benefits from inspired thoughts that I recognize and act upon and through service I have discovered joy to be the source of my happiness.

May you be blessed with inspired guidance and experience the joy of serving with love,
Carol Ann Preston

www.roomforhealing.com
www.take12radio.com
Remembering Who We Are: a workbook by Carol Ann Preston

12.09.2007

A journey seeking, surrendering, embracing God's will in my life.

The 11th Step mentions "knowledge of His will for us..."
How does this "knowledge" come to you? Or do you seek it out?

This is a journey for me, as I continue to let go of old ideas and try out new ones, allowing myself the freedom to grow in my personal relationship with God. I am grateful that God is patient with our journey, as it takes some of us much practice and effort to grow in this area. The simple effort of practicing prayer and meditation allows me to seek a clearer understanding or knowledge of God's will in my daily life. To pray is to seek; to uncover and discover my clearest of intentions and continue to surrender my will to His. After that I get up and take the next right action or pause.

The process of surrendering my will to God's care allows my will to be aligned with God's through His power, not mine. When this occurs, a sense of peace and serenity is produced, leaving stress, worry and concern behind and I am better able to think clearly and recognize God's participation in guiding and providing me with the power to carry out His will. As I surrender over and over again a specific request, desire or need, until it is in harmony with the will of God, I can then clearly discern and seek to know what God would have me do or be. When I am not struggling with making my will happen, no longer convincing myself 'it' is God's will, as I continue to surrender my cares and concerns to His direction, I become aware that my will has come into alignment with God's. I can then relax and trust that I will be guided by His Spirit and He will supply what ever is needed to bring forth His Divine will, leaving behind the need to manage again by trying to figure out 'how to make it happen.'

I no longer have to worry about doing the 'right' thing, as long as I am applying spiritual principles and trust God to lead the way, confident my job is to follow as I recognize His guidance, being present to the moments of each day. I am willing to take the course of action I discern needs to be taken, using all of my senses, relaxing in the knowledge that everything needed to fulfill God's will, even courage and willingness, is supplied by God, I just have to surrender and trust. Remembering that He meets me where I am and that whatever He calls me to do, whether it is to start a new career, or make specific changes in my daily life, He provides what I need to fulfill His will with joy.

Once my will is aligned with His will, confident by practicing self-examination as I recognize that I am applying the principles in my life, and then I can seek with greater ease the knowledge of His will for me. I do this through several ways. Some of these are; being aware during prayer and meditation if I have a sense of 'knowing' what the next right thing is for me to do, or not do. I am willing to listen to my intuition, knowing that I will make mistakes and that my reliance on intuition grows as I listen to Spirit's still voice within. Sometimes, I seek by reading Scripture and then meditate on the words I read or discuss this with another person.

I am expected to use my God-given brain and common sense as I think about those things that I surrender to God, trusting that as I do so, He will guide me at every turn as I discover what His will is and what course of action to take. I also trust that He will provide the necessary power, ability and every need I have to carry out His will. Sometimes I need to discuss the issue with my spiritual director, spouse or trusted friend. If I am still uncertain what His will is, regarding a specific issue, then I simply take the next right action, trusting that the way will unfold one step at a time. Also, I will most often not know what the whole picture looks like or what every step is in advance, so I take one step at a time. Faith in action, even with fear, is often called courage.

Since, I have surrendered my will to God's management I am reminded that my decision to seek His will has already been made. I also need to take the time to be aware, listen and pay attention, by living in the present, to recognize God's guidance and act accordingly. Sometimes I may get a phone call from someone who brings up the very issue I am 'seeking' and other times a 'coincidence' or a chance meeting will reveal God's will or my next right action will be clear. I am called to seek His will and trust that He will reveal this and provide the power to carry this out. No matter how small the issue may seem to be, it all matters to God, as every area of our life matters to Him.

If I am still doubtful about what action to take, or if I am to take any action, then I need to 'pause' and this can last anywhere from a few minutes to a few days or longer, until I no longer have the intense sense of doubt. This is an opportunity to learn how to live in harmony with the Spirit of the Universe and this can be an exciting part of our journey, if we leave unrealistic expectations of ourselves and of God, behind. Sometimes we go off in the opposite direction of God's will, confident we are on the right path to fulfill His will, only to find out during self-examination that we were in fact trying to make God's will fit into our own. How do we know this when it happens? Our actions usually do not produce peace, harmony or positive results.

This is an opportunity to learn and grow in our relationship with God and to surrender at a deeper level our will to His, knowing that God truly wants us to be happy, joyous and free. One old idea that interferes with my seeking His will is that God does not want me to be happy. Happiness truly comes when I have aligned my will, my mind and heart to whatever God has in store for my life, with the confidence that this will create the wholeness, peace and harmony in life that I want.

So, yes I seek, using all at my disposal, knowing that this is a process of surrendering my will to God's will until the two are in harmony in all areas of my life. I am expected to use my God-given gifts as a human spiritual being to seek the knowledge and fulfillment of His will. Sometimes, I have to be still and know that God has His part to do, and trust His will as it unfolds in my daily life.

I listen with my 'spiritual' ears and look with my 'spiritual' eyes and walk confidently into each day, knowing that God and I are partners in life.
I can be assured that He will disclose His will for me and this will become clearer with each opportunity to live in harmony with His will for my life. He will continue to disclose more to me as I serve Him well and I do this best by trusting His love for humanity.

My purpose in life has become my deepest desire and this is to serve Him and to help my fellows to the fullest and best that I can do. Trusting His plans for every area of my life are for my highest good, trusting Spirit to guide and provide for me to live as He calls me. Even when I may not fully know what His will is, I must always remember that I am to serve God and help others and all roads in my life lead to this simple purpose. This purpose fills my soul with such satisfaction and joy that no other purpose can compete. Sometimes the awareness of God's will with specific concerns comes in hindsight, after I have walked in faith, trusting my journey with Spirit, a journey with principles as my guideline, and the Spirit of Love as the voice I recognize and follow.

Many Blessings,
Carol Ann

Carol Ann Preston ©2007
Remembering Who We Are: a workbook
www.roomforhealing.com
www.take12radio.com show on "Relationships"