My 11th Step Preparation - Jody K

From Fear to Faith to Knowledge

I can only answer this question based upon my own experience, and by default, much of my experience will differ from the instructions in the Big Book. I remember the disclaimer on page 164 that states, “we know only a little” – and by virtue of that, I feel the sharing of personal experience and opinion, so long as it’s kept in perspective as such, is one of our most valid tools for growth. After all, that’s what we’ve been doing here for the past ten months or so, isn’t it?

It was explained to me, very simply, that prayer is speaking to God and mediation is listening for a response. I was also told that the steps are in order for a reason. Improving conscious contact with the God of our own understanding through prayer and meditation didn’t come until the eleventh step – and I was confused. In early sobriety, it was strongly suggested that I pray, morning and night, if to ask nothing else but “help me” in the morning and say “thank you” at night. I did just that for months. I tried at times to expand my prayer life, feeling very awkward about it. Sometimes, I would pray for my Higher Power’s care for someone else. That was more of the “Now I lay me down to sleep” sort of prayers I said as a child, and I realized that that felt more comfortable than an intimate sort of spirituality I imagined every other person in the rooms experienced.

But I’m digressing a bit. Meditation – listening. What was I listening for? God’s will for me, I suppose, but how was I supposed to hear any sort of message from God in the cacophony of my own jumbled thoughts? Then it was suggested that instead of listening – intently trying to hear some sort of voice in my head – I attempt to quiet my thoughts instead. So, that’s what I did. If I could get a ten second stretch where I didn’t hear my own voice in my head, I was really doing something!! With practice, though, the quiet periods became longer and longer to the point where I could be still for minutes, and then, if I was really, really surrendering to the process, even an hour!

I used certain tools to help me with these quiet times. I used music – or sound, rather. The sound of waves, rain storms, babbling brooks (disclaimer: make sure you PEE FIRST, or I guarantee all you’ll be thinking about is doing just that!). Sometimes, I used classical music, but never anything with words, as I found them to be very distracting. I also used scent, either incense, candles, or perfume sprayed on my skin or pillows. On occasion, I would place an object and focus on that, but I found meditation with my eyes open (early on) to be much more difficult.

Now, these are all things I did approaching the eleventh step – though one not accustomed to meditative practices could begin eleventh step work in this way. There are many, many good primers out there on a variety of different meditative practices, and I believe anyone would benefit by learning more than one technique. I personally have designed routines that I use to ease anxiety, reduce or tolerate pain, calm anger, etc. There is no one right or wrong way.

Getting back to the order of the steps, it took some time for me to understand why the eleventh step was so far down the list. If I should be praying for God’s aid and grace early on, shouldn’t I also be submerging myself in meditation, asking for guidance and knowledge of God’s will for me? I think I finally have an opinion about the wording and placement of this step.

When I first put down the drink, I need help keeping it put down. I was not able to do that alone. I was insane with the urge to drink, and I needed to be restored to sanity. I made the decision to turn my will and life over to the care of God as I understood God. I commenced to get busy setting down on paper a fearless and searching moral inventory, and I exercised faith that bringing those things out of the dark and into an honest rapport with my Higher Power and another human being would help me to become willing to have removed those defects in me that stand in the way of following God’s will for me. I humble myself again and ask that they be removed – every single one that stands in the way of my usefulness to my Higher Power. I’ve got a list of folks I’ve wronged in one way or another, and I must go forth and make amends for those wrongs. Then, I’ve got to take all I learned in the fourth through the ninth step and try to live it each day. At what point before this can I be reasonably certain that my consciousness is guided by my Higher Power? While I’m still full of defects without a name? Before I’ve become ready to have those things removed from me? While I’m still nursing a resentment, unwilling to make amends for my part in a wrong? Before I’ve learned to do daily housekeeping to make sure I’m not piling up another fourth step?

Up to step ten, I’m working on faith. I’ve got to have faith that this whole process is a) going to keep me from picking up a drink and b) lead me to a God of my understanding who will guide my life. There’s an expression: “You can’t put new wine into old bottles.” How apropos, eh? Well, I’m an old bottle until I have learned the tenth step. I have faith until then that the process is going to make me into a completely new bottle, able to be filled. Step eleven is about knowing: praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out. Upon taking step eleven, I’m committing to strengthening that knowledge. I don’t need faith anymore in the process. I have knowledge of it. I haven’t picked up a drink, and I have become a better person, a useful person. Faith will still serve me well as I encounter new things and experiences in recovery, and as I walk through those new things, my faith turns to knowledge.

Every once in awhile, when I’m operating on faith, my Higher Power hits me over the head with something to remind me that I know. Very gently, of course! Think….love taps!

I’ve just completed a process which I started with the faith that I had the rudimentary skills to tackle. I went back to school. There were signs along the way that it was God’s will for me, though at the time, I was operating on about 60% faith, 40% fear. Looking back, I see that my fear was folly, but that’s for another post. I tried not to get too far ahead of myself, remembering that I was walking the path, and there were many bends around which I could not see. No sense in running up ahead, I put one foot in front of the other. I completed my first year, and then my second, and then my third. Before I knew it, I was preparing for life after graduation which, it was assumed by my family and my professors, would include a graduate education.

As I saw myself being successful in this endeavor, I was down to about 5% fear and 95% faith. I applied to programs at four different schools. I had no idea at the time how competitive the process was. Those around me started to caution me not to be too optimistic, though they assured me, “We know you’ll get in somewhere.” I could feel the old fear rising, so I increased meditations. As the fear eased, the letters started coming in. First one acceptance, then a second, then a third – and the third came with an offer for full funding, including a job teaching. I had only applied to programs within two hours of my home, expecting to commute. Thinking I would commute. Thinking I would drive four hours, round trip, every day for three years. My husband looked at the offer I’d received from this major university, looked at me and said, “Are you ready to be reasonable now?” The money was good. One could live off of it in our small town, but in the city? How could I afford to maintain an apartment and help out a little with the bills at home? Again, back to the meditation. Knowledge of your will for me, God. Power to carry it out, God. What do I do?

I had received an invitation to join a national honors society. The fee for the first years’ membership and initiation was $70. I don’t throw money around for prestige, and besides, I was already an active member of my campus honors society – but for some reason, I didn’t hesitate. The day I got the invitation, I sent in my acceptance and fees. I received a package in the mail, and there was this little paragraph with instructions on how to apply for a fellowship for first year graduate studies. I had gotten pretty good at assembling applications, so I filled it out, got letters of recommendation and sent it in. In the space of a week, I won the chapter fellowship and the national fellowship. I had $6,000 to put towards rent for the first year.

Love taps? Something like that. These are the obvious ones I see in the present moment, though there have been plenty I see in retrospect. My point in all this is that, over time and by seeking God’s will for me through much prayer and meditation, fear is replaced by faith, faith by knowledge. We’ve got a pretty good starter guide in the Big Book, and we can receive guidance and wisdom from our religious teachers, though I think how we ultimately take this step will, in great measure, be found in the step itself – knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.

These days, a lot of my meditation time is spent on the road, or on my front porch, or in my bed as I’m falling asleep or waking up. Every once in awhile, though not nearly often enough, it’s spent in the hammock in my side yard or down amidst the trees in our little orchard. There’s no drill sergeant to stand over you and make sure that you do your meditation at the same time every day, in the same, rigid way – though there is something to be said for a regular routine. It may be the treatment centers who suggest “90 in 90” – but we can learn a lot from them about building regular habits. The most important thing while finding what works is to keep it simple enough so that it doesn’t feel like punishment and doesn’t strike fear in you when you get off schedule. The process has so many rewards built into it that maintaining it, once it gets started, is a pleasure rather than an obligation. It’s fine to gather experience, strength and hope from others on how to approach this step, but keeping in mind that it’s based upon one’s own understanding of God, it follows that we may develop very different methods for improving our conscious contact through prayer and meditation. The important thing, I believe, is not how we do it but that we do it!

June Question by Dick B.

Beginner Eleventh Step Goals

I don’t think anyone can or should tell this particular newcomer how to handle prayer and meditation in the Eleventh Step. Why? Because the Big Book text doesn’t attempt to do that. It presents four types of situations—all useful and healthy:

(1) When we retire at night……. It’s a matter of reviewing how well we did the 10th Step throughout the day. Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest, or afraid; and if so, what did we do about it. Then the two suggestions:
(a) If you were wrong, ask for forgiveness.
(b) Determining how you can do better the next day. With prayer and appeal to the Creator? I do, and the text indicates that course.

(2) When we wake up. . . Unfortunately the Big Book left the original Quiet Time practices aside. They were Bible study, prayer, seeking of God’s guidance, and studying a devotional like The Upper Room or the Runner’s Bible. Dr. Bob did this three times a day and then “went about his Father’s business.”

(3) I call the third part the bow to religion, but it is not dogmatic. It suggests devotions if you do them, helpful books if you like them, consulting your rabbi, minister, or priest for suggestions. Pretty tasty for just about any believer.

(4) I call the last part the anxiety alert. If we become angry, anxious, fearful, bewildered, defeated, call God off the bench. As Dr. Bob said, Your Heavenly Father will never let you down.

Now. . . as to the newcomer. There’s nothing tough about taking him or her through the Tenth Step—simple instructions are in the Big Book. There’s nothing tough about reviewing your success for the day, asking pardon, and correcting misbehavior. There’s nothing tough about Morning Quiet Time. The difficulty is how Wilson creates confusion with talk about practice, intuition, and the rest. The pioneers used the Old School A.A. way. Start the day with prayer to the Father as to how to love and serve Him that day. Look in the Bible to see the precise suggestions about praying in the morning, reading the Word in the morning, and seeking God’s help in the morning. There’s nothing tough about going to church, reading religious literature, or talking to a clergyman. The pioneers did it! And there’s nothing tough about replacing swearing and sweat with the peace of God that comes through seeking His help in times of stress. There are dozens of Biblical suggestions for that. A couple are in Proverbs 3:5-6 and Philippians 4:6-7. I put lots of the morning watch, quiet time, prayer materials in my title Good Morning!: Quiet Time, Morning Watch, Meditation, and Early A.A. (http://www.dickb.com/goodmorn.shtml).

My own suggestions to sponsees are to learn what the Big Book says about Step Eleven and then apply Biblical instructions and principles which promise the peace of God and healing. Bless, Dick


Got the new book? The Conversion of Bill W.:
http://dickb.com/conversion.shtml

Got the other new book? Dr. Bob of Alcoholics Anonymous
http://dickb.com/drbobofaa.shtml

Have you seen our new web site? Dr. Bob and Alcoholics Anonymous:

Others as a Conduit

Do you have a spiritual advisor of your faith?
How does this benefit your conscious contact?

To answer the question, I would have to declare a “faith” – as in, a specific, agreed upon manifestation of a Higher Power. But I have not done that. Most of the traits I sense as absolute in my Higher Power are beyond words, though many faiths have metaphors and mythologies that I find useful in guiding me spiritually.

When I first got sober, I made friends with many ministers in the Christian faith – Apostolic, Baptist, Methodist and Jehovah’s Witness. I never felt a pressure from any of them to convert or adopt their faith and denounce all others. I was accepted as someone who believed in a Divine Power, and they were glad to share with me. I learned much about the love and peace in the teachings of Jesus Christ through them.

I returned to the mythologies of the Native Americans as a very natural thing. My grandmother was born on an Apache reservation, and though she married outside of her tribe and I never learned if she had been raised in the ancient Apache God-myths, I have always been curious to learn. Most of my guidance in that way came from books, though recently, I met a man who descends from the same tribe and spent his summers with his grandfather on the reservation. We have expressed our desire to spend time together, and I hope to learn from him those things that I haven’t learned from books. What I have learned, though, are things that have strengthened my connection to the Earth as Mother. I cannot subsist merely on the ethereal; I require a firm grounding in the Earth. Early in recovery, I found myself, in contemplating the essence of my Higher Power, the absolute superfluity of a physical body if we were ultimately to return to our Source. It seemed a needless and cruel exercise! I found my grounding and my purpose when I returned to the Mother religions.

Ultimately, I’ve come around to Buddhism as the closest I have to an adopted faith. The nature of Buddhism seems to me to be more philosophical than religious, which is appealing to me. By the absence of dogma and the emphasis on personal discovery, I feel it helps me to be more tolerant of all people of faith. I have friends in recovery as well as contacts in academia who are practicing Buddhists. I don’t know that any of them would consider themselves my spiritual advisors, though I can say that I’ve gained much from each of them. The issue for me, someone who’s always liked firm answers, is that they seldom claim to have any!

And, of course, believing that we do belong here, that we do each have a purpose, and believing that my Higher Power very often uses others as a conduit, I must listen very closely, no matter who I might encounter. Any person who crosses my path might be my spiritual advisor. If I’m self-obsessing, I might miss the message!

Peace & Love,
Jody K

Jewish Recovery Thought - Shavuos

There is an age old custom to stay up all night on the night of Shavuos, the festival that commemorates receiving the Torah at Sinai. The basis for this practice is to rectify the fact that on the morning that G-d gave the Torah, the entire Jewish nation overslept. This is alluded to by a verse in Isaiah (50:2): "Why was there no man when I came? When I called, why was there none to answer?"

The question one has to ask is how in the world such a debacle could have occurred. The idea an entire nation could sleep late on the same morning seems strange enough, but that such a thing could happen on the morning that the Jews were to witness the very revelation of G-d. It's not as if they didn't know what was supposed to happen that morning. Indeed, ever since leaving Egypt forty-nine days prior, the Jews had literally been counting the days until their anticipated meeting with G-d at Sinai. The scenario strikes us as more than odd.

The answer is that the Jews slept on purpose.

Now, why would they go and do a thing like that? Had they assumed a nonchalant attitude toward the great revelation that was to occur that day? To the contrary: the Jews were very serious about receiving the Torah. They understood the magnitude of such an unprecedented event; and as such, they deliberately planned a mass "sleep-in" as the ultimate, culminating phase in their preparation for this most momentous occasion.

They knew that after forty-nine days of intense self-refinement, there was no more they could do to make themselves ready. A mortal being is only capable of so much. A human being can only reach so high. Unless of course, one could divest oneself of the trappings of the body and continue striving in a purely spiritual state. The Jews slept to achieve disembodiment. They slept so that their souls could leave behind the consciousness of physical existence and climb to the heights of heaven. This, they decided, was the final frontier in their preparation for communion with the Divine.

Of course, they fundamentally misunderstood that the giving of the very purpose of G-d's giving the Torah was to give us a means for sanctifying the physical and the mundane. G-d gave us mitzvos so we could make this world holy. Accordingly, the preparation for receiving the Torah should have also been connected with an attempt to imbue spirituality into the material world and not, as they assumed, to escape into a realm of the spirit.

In hindsight, it's easy to see that their plan was flawed. But how many of us often fall prey to this very same line of thinking in our own search for G-d? We spurn the world of the day-to-day in quest for what we deem to be more "lofty" concerns. Rather than trying to deal with regular life in a more G-dly manner, we run away from our real responsibilities and sanctimoniously indulge in a most insidious form of self-righteous, self-important escapism.

Counsel = Wisdom

May Question

Do you have a spiritual advisor of your faith? How does this benefit your conscious contact?

I have always been fortunate in having someone to guide me in my spiritual quest. In the beginning a very simple man from Santa Monica was there to constantly remind me of the truths discussed in the “Big Book” regarding spiritual matters.

I still recall how miserable I was feeling early on in my recovery; while doing my 4th step, I was trying not to dwell only on my wretched behaviors of the past. Yet there I was still full of self-contempt. I was at a point of desperation, ready to say forget it, when the phone rang.

It was my friend, calling just to check in, just to see how I was doing. I quickly explained that I was feeling totally depressed, worthless and hopeless. My friend stopped me as I was thoroughly condemning myself and began to ask me a series of questions.

He asked, David, have you found a loving God since joining the fellowship? I responded yes I suppose so. David, he proceeded; is God also a forgiving God? Again, I said yes. Then came the cruncher; he asked, David, Has God forgiven you? Once more I said I think so. He added then who are you….not to also forgive yourself?

I have come a long way since then. I now understand that grace is a gift freely given. It cannot be earned, stolen, or purchased. A favorite scripture of mine is, “Where no wise guidance is, the people fall, but in the multitude of counselors there is safety” (Prov. 11:14). Or even stronger is Prov. 12:15 it says, “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but he who listens to counsel is wise.”

I have not gone through a period of time since my friend in Santa Monica provided such sage advice that I have not utilized the counsel of others. If there is a guiding principle that I have come to embrace it is this; no one person has a corner on absolute truth. I say this once again, no one person has a corner on absolute truth! Recognizing that this includes myself, inevitably brings me to the logical conclusion that I must always seek counsel or be found a fool.

It is good at times to reflect on the fact that our experiences and our personal knowledge are very limited. There is what little I think I know. There are the things I know I don’t know. And then there is a universe of things that I just do not know. In the vastness of time and space the amount of what I actually know is nothing more than a dot against the backdrop of a night sky.
What absolute foolish arrogance the man who refuses counsel must possess. I pray that I never again experience such a personal hell. I can’t. We can!

May Question

Do you have a spiritual advisor of your faith?
How does this benefit your conscious contact?

As a licensed spiritual practitioner there are requirements and a code for me to follow. See
http://www.agapelive.com/index.php?page=30 and http://www.ojima.us/collective/ojimapractitioner.html. I have been at Agape since 1996 and very active in that community until now. I am now a Global Heart practitioner because my ministry goes beyond the walls of any one church. See for more information on the Global Heart: http://www.religiousscience.org/ucrs_site/globalHart_vision/index.html

One requirement is that I am active in spiritual community doing service and being served by seeing my own practitioner. My spiritual advisor is my community. Many days it is my senior minister, it is often my prayer partner, and recently it is those I collaborate with in recovery doing great community works. I accept and embrace it all.

I am blessed exceedingly well that I am in recovery and have a spiritual New Thought spiritual community http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Thought. The love I have for both recovery and spirituality and the natural synergy I find in both has changed my life. It is why I am still in recovery.

My spiritual advisors have supported me in prayer, in private sessions, in workshops, in friendship and creative collaborations. When these advisors are also in recovery it adds a sweet dimension of fellowship and good will that inspires and encourages.

In my daily walk of recovery and spirituality my two communities keep me mindful and grateful that I can choose to begin again at any moment and claim greater good for me, for you, for the planet. So I do.
Much love, Gail www.conscious-contact.com and www.MySpace.com/SpiritualPractice