Getting Better Every Day...Jody K

While drowning in my alcoholism and drug addiction, I didn’t have much physical consciousness, let alone spiritual consciousness. The harder I tried to find something, anything to hold onto within or without myself, the more elusive it became. In the process of physically and mentally numbing myself, I spiritually numbed myself as well.

The second step—becoming willing to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity—was a first step towards conscious contact. Making the decision necessary to take the third step brought me closer still. I do believe that I had moments in those early months that could be called conscious contact with something greater than me, but it was a raw and vague sensation. It was, however, enough to get started on the “course of vigorous action” necessary to clear all those channels that kept me blocked from any direct contact with a higher power.

By the time I had worked steps four through nine, by the time I had begun to receive the promises, by the time I had learned to pray with a mind and heart free from selfish motives (not always free, mind you…but I was learning) and examine my words and deeds to keep from backsliding in my changing ways, I was living and functioning in some sort of god-consciousness. I knew when my character defects were at work. I knew when I needed to make the tough choices because they were right, not avoid them because they weren’t on the path of least resistance. These reactions were very strange indeed, considering the life I’d led before, but they were right. I instinctually knew that I was changing. The fact that alcohol and drugs were not a part, desired or otherwise, of my daily life was relegated almost to a minor miracle.

I had begun by step eleven to undergo a psychic change—a spiritual awakening. Step eleven instructs me to improve that conscious contact which should have been developing through the first ten steps. When I call my sponsor to express some difficulty in my life, the first question she asks me is, “Have you prayed on it?”

By having steps that remind me that I must not bask too long in the glow of the newfound freedom achieved through the personal housecleaning, but that I must continue to examine my thoughts and deeds (step 10) and take action to keep those thoughts and deeds inline with a divine will, rather than my own (step 11), I can keep moving in my recovery.

Now, did I have it all along? The Big Book tells me that we all have this “fundamental idea of God,” but is an idea a connection? I can only speak for myself and those times when I felt something outside of myself, some connection to the universe and rather than reach out to it, become one with it, I chose, instead, to run from it.

When the anesthesia was removed from my soul, those god-receptors were dull. I felt little, if anything. I had only to put one foot in front of the other, believe until I could know, and in the process, I did not improve my conscious contact with my higher power. My higher power reached into me and gave me the gift of knowing.

Beyond believing, as the second step instructs me, and the housecleaning, during which I was given the gift, it is my responsibility to work step eleven to renew, each day, my commitment to rely on my higher power for guidance.

I’m an alcoholic. I need reminders. I need guidance.

Response By Gail DeWitt

Saturday, September 8, 2007

September Question

Each of is divinely connected to the source of all life. We have our being in and as the life of pure spirit. We forget our connection with the divine and think we must struggle or do something to "be good" or "have good". The truth is our real nature is pure goodness. All that needs to take place is for each of us to release all that is not really us and just be. What we develop is our spiritual practice but our oneness is infinite and eternal and all ready done. You always have been and will be connected to God. It is who you are.

Take a moment and recall a peak positive experience you've had or something that makes you feel good. A peak experience might be giving birth, or doing something you love like woodwork, boxing, cooking, gardening. Once you find the experience or thing that makes you feel good, recall it vividly in mind- colors, sound, who was there, time of day, how you feel, etc. Notice as you do this in greater detail you actually feel those good feelings all over again. That good feeling God. You calling the experience forward is your conscious contact with God. Spirit indwells you and is available simply by you giving attention to the good. To use your mind in this way is the right use of the mind and will and can be deepened through spiritual practice.

I call the images and memories of my peak experiences "heart snapshots". I use them to support myself to be in an affirmative stance and to use my will and 5 senses in a way that supports my recovery. I call up a heart snap shot before I pray or meditate so I am resonating at a place of confidence and joy.

Gail www.conscious-contact.com

More Than Damage Control

Our lives evolve around relationships, mostly with other humans. Some are our peers, some our subordinates, and some are our superiors. Relationships do not happen on their own, even if both parties desire it.

The best example is the relationship that develops between spouses. We date, we court each other, we get engaged, we marry. We slowly build up a level of trust and love that are the glue of our relation. As the years go by we either strengthen that bond, or, if we do nothing, it slowly deteriorates.

Sometimes we can look back at five years of marriage and realize that we did not live up to the vows that we exchanged during our wedding ceremony. We may have lied, we may have cheated, and we may have stolen. Stolen money, stolen time, stolen sleep, stolen intimacy, stolen trust. There might be a major crisis where one spouse threatens to leave, or files for divorce.

So now we sit and give a deep look at ourselves. What are the things that I did that contributed to this situation? What are the things that I didn't do that brought about this crisis? When I find out what it is, I feel remorseful and repentant. I want to change myself so I can be a great spouse. I want to rectify all the wrongs, I want to go back to that moment five years ago when I promised to love.

Let's say that I am successful at fixing the past, I was able to reconnect with my spouse and reconcile our differences. Now what? Should I just start again where I stopped five years ago? Is it enough for the new me to be satisfied with having my relationship back? Or maybe I need to commit now to a greater level of love, to a deeper level of trust. If the rope snapped and I was able to stitch the cord back together, should I be satisfied and hope for the best, or should I now look for way to double-knot it so it doesn't fall apart again?

We damaged our relationship with G_d by acting out on our character defects. We cheated, lied, stole and abused His trust. Until step 9 we are just working on damage control. We are fixing the booboos of the past. Once that is completed, we have to contemplate and plan the rest of our lives with G_d. What we have done until now isn't sufficient. What others are doing is not enough. The only way we can stay in the relationship is if we invest our efforts into growing it beyond what is normal and acceptable. We must improve our conscious contact with G_d.